SEC Spring Game Weekend Schedule

Greetings, folks. Look, we know we just mocked the concept of spring games earlier in the week, but it’s sort of that time of year where we go back and forth on things. What makes us prickly on Monday can sometimes seem tolerable nearer the weekend. Will we watch any or all of these Spring Games? Doubtful. But it’s nice to know they’re there. Here’s what’s happening nonetheless.

Your weekend Spring Game schedule on the SEC Network.

FRIDAY THE 13TH: PERFECT FOR KENTUCKY FOOTBALL HAHAHA GET IT. Folks, if you haven’t watched Kentucky Football in the past decade...congratulations. You’ll get your fill this year when the Ags play them. But they are the likable kid in the slasher pic who you think for just a split second may elude the grasp of the killer only to dicktrip in the most comical of fashions and find themselves cocooned in their own viscera a mere 30 seconds after almost escaping. Mark Stoops is just Butch Jones with a slightly better handler, and both seem as though they’d feel at ease in a hockey mask.

SATURDAY EARLY: MIZZOU BLACK & GOLD GAME.

Pictured: crowd.

SATURDAY MIDDAY: FLORIDA ORANGE & BLUE GAME.

Imagine this: Dan Mullen wears some kind of hip shoes, the offense is suddenly fixed because all quarterbacks have improved a hundredfold, there’s a new aura in Gainesville, and Kirby Smart better look out because the East is no longer a cakewalk. Then you wake up from your pleasant Saturday afternoon nap to see that the Orange & Blue Game has puttered to a 13-9 final, all five quarterbacks threw at least one interception, and the best defensive lineman apparently walked off the field and continued walking out of town. CHAWMP.

SATURDAY FINAL SHIFT: A&M MAROON & WHITE GAME

Broadcast Mad Libs Word List:

Jimbo

Turn The Corner

Championships

Toughness

Substance

High Level

New Energy

...and that’s just Chris Cotter complimenting McElroy’s hair.

Have a good one, all.