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Daily Bull 2.28.18 - The Five Aggies You Meet In Heaven

in a way, we’re all Ryan

UK Hill Farmers Face Uncertain Future As Brexit Looms Photo by Jeff J Mitchell/Getty Images

Sorry for the brief Daily Bull, y’all, but I have vacation coming up which means that everything that ever needed to be done needs to be done this week. Still, I feel like Good Bull Hunting would be remiss in not at least mentioning this:

No, this isn’t going to be a rant about diversity. And no, it’s not going to be a rant about Corps Yell Leaders running as a group in order to railroad non-regs out of the process. This is a commendation of Texas A&M’s long standing dominance in the field of cloning.

As you probably remember, Texas A&M was the first institution to successfully clone a mammal when they created Dolly in defiance of God’s will. Since then, A&M has successfully cloned horses, cats, pigs, bulls, and who knows what other menagerie. At this point Layne’s has probably been serving chicken fingers technically made from the same chicken for over a decade.

Mammalian cloning was in danger of becoming old hat, but this new achievement in human cloning is staggering. For A&M to be able to take one perfect Yell Leader candidate and make him able to serve the role of all five Yell Leaders presents a new future for Aggies, Kyle Field, and humankind.

Yes, there are philosophical and ethical ramifications to the very idea of human cloning. And yes, there are concerns that the denim and smokeless tobacco markets will be unable to bear the increased demand. In addition, anything beyond a cursory glance at that photo indicates that the process is still flawed. Ryan #3 appears substantially taller than Ryan #4, and Ryan #1’s belt buckle did not grow in properly in any of the subsequent Ryans.

Nevertheless, this development further upholds Texas A&M University as a premier research center on the planet. We are well poised to continue to grow and eventually sustain a student body of over 100,000 Ryans in 2030 and beyond.