Good morning. Getting to work this morning was a beating. The regular season’s over and we’ve got a nice long stretch of basking in the glow of finishing second in the SEC West and the prospect of a Florida bowl game.
But of course winning a thrilling 74-72 victory over a rival we haven’t beaten in 23 years in the game of the season isn’t enough for some. Nope, we’ve got some extracurriculars to go crazy about. Folks, this looks bad because it is bad: Jimbo Fisher’s nephew punched a 53 year-old man with Parkinson’s in his pacemaker. There is no way to slice that where it can appear anything other than what it is: an embarrassing stain on an otherwise spectacular sporting night. And before all you amateur Zapruder online part-time lawyer sleuths come at me with “but we’ve only heard LSU’s side,” just take a moment to think about why that might be: a) maybe it’s possible that there is no hidden smoking gun tidbit of information out there that would make this action in any way excusable, and b) when’s the last time you were impressed with a savvy PR move by A&M? Take the L on this one, we got the W where it matters, folks. If I’m wrong, and Steve Kragthorpe, a widely-respected college football coach who has served two separate stints at Texas A&M, did something egregious like hold a pocketknife to Jimbo Fisher’s nephew’s jugular, then I’ll gladly apologize to all you internet forensic heroes.
F—K IT. LET’S GO BOWLING
Winning an epic game for the ages has all kinds of perks. CBS Sports has us playing in a New Year’s Day bowl: the Outback against our bizarro zombie half-brothers Michigan State. This bowl game would be over in under 3 hours. Just a steady feed of stretch run plays, tight end seams, and about 16 total punts. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.
HEY HEY GOT SOME BREAKING NEWS FOR YA
Time is a flat circle. By our calculations, Mack should be back coaching in Austin by the year 2028. OK, cool, Hook ‘Em.