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Fan Misery Index Week 4: Leaving Starkvegas

time to eat some Crow, dawgs

NCAA Football: Florida at Mississippi State Matt Bush-USA TODAY Sports

Strife springs eternal in a dark Mississippi dive
Not that I care at all
Spent the best part of my losing streak in the Top 25
Though why I can’t recall
Now I’m yelling at my TV set
I check the odds, lost another bet
I pour a drink and I hope I go blind
Won’t see the Bulldogs fall behind

I’m leaving Starkvegas
Lights so bright, and the crotch sweat,
and the swamp ass on a Saturday night
Leaving Starkvegas
Leaving the ranks for good
Never were good

Bulldog Fans might wonder why they are the featured player in Week 5 of the Fan Misery Index - after all the Fourth Circle is hardly the bottom of the depths explored this season and they are in fine company there. However, their descent was of such an unusual nature it warrants special consideration. It takes a perfect set of circumstances for a team to be ranked in the Top 25, lose to an unranked team, remain ranked in the Top 25 the following week, and then lose to an unranked team again. In the world of expectations and disappointment that is sweet agony that cannot pass unmarked.

(If you are unfamiliar with the rules of the Fan Misery Index, head here to read all about it.)

Let’s take a look at the big board.


  • Not a lot of movement this week, honestly. 8 teams unlocked the 5 game winning streak achievement this week, and interestingly the only team that wasn’t already in the First Circle anyway was Georgia (who beat Tennessee by 26 and so could have gone up two levels). In our ongoing research into sadness this is an interesting result, and a data point in the argument for removing the 5 game winning streak from the rules entirely.
  • We still have not had a 5 game loss streak, but four teams are on the cusp. Of those, three face top 15 teams next weekend: UCLA plays #10 Washington, Nebraska plays #14 Wisconsin, and Arkansas plays #1 Alabama. Normally I’d say that Rutgers gets a reprieve against Illinois, but the FMI as made me pay a lot of attention to Rutgers football this season so I know better.
  • It’s getting crowded at the bottom with a five-way tie in the Seventh Circle. Each of these teams has taken its own unique and creative path through the abyss, but let’s take a moment to appreciate the hustle of Oregon State this weekend. The (previously incorrectly shown at level 4 when they should have been at 5) Beavers saw Rutgers getting some separation so they buckled down, put their nose, face, and genitals to the grindstone, and found it within themselves to lose their third 21 point blowout of the season to round out a three-game streak and get right back in the mix. Welcome to the pit, Oregon State.