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Daily Bull 01.31.2018 - Oil Prices Will Be Amazing Forever

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cuz if they ever aren’t we are screwed

Dollar In Flames Photo by Tom Stoddart/Getty Images

#WednesdayTrendsday is back, and the news is (as usual) not good.

[NOTE: It’s been quite a while since we had a Wednesday Trendsday. If you are not familiar with the premise, you can find the inception here.]

College football around these parts is BIG BZNS these days. Multi-million dollar television contracts and $25 remote satellite parking on game day help fuel the machine and pay for our glossy new $450MM plasma screen shopping mall, complete with food court and football rink.

And of course there’s the matter of the bill for our wall-skins-having new football coach. $7.5MM per year guaranteed for 10 years is the richest coaching contract in the history of college football. But let’s be honest: when was the last time a coach finished out a contract at Texas A&M without a raise/extension during his tenure? The answer is not during this century, at least. So what can we expect to be paying the football Messiah in the coming years?

To answer that question, first we need to look at A&M’s recent history of head coach salaries.

What’s that little maroon stripe across that graph? That’s right, it’s our old friend Mr. Trendline. Today’s trendline takes the form of an exponential...

...where x is the year in question and y is the yearly salary in millions of dollars. Not perfect, but generally pretty good as it comes in typically a little south of the coach’s starting salary and finishes a little high. Certainly good enough for Wednesday Trendsday.

So let’s get to projectin’.

Huh.

Listen, facts are facts and the truth of #WT is unquestioned. If Jimbo Fisher remains the Aggies’ head coach through the end of his 2028 contract term (lol), we will be paying him somewhere around $19MM per year. In that time he will have earned three times as much as all of the other A&M coaches of this century put together. A five-year extension will kick him over 30 mil. And while it’s likely Jimbo Fisher will have retired and purchased the entire city of Dubai in cash by then, whoever is coaching Texas A&M in 2068 will be the first coach in history to earn $1 billion in one year. And man, is that Independence Bowl gonna taste sweet.

My advice is to get off the grid as soon as possible. Disconnect your internet service, throw your phone in a river, and live where the USPS doesn’t operate, because the only people more able to find you than the IRS and creditors are the Association of Former Students and the 12th Man Foundation. And they are fixing to be reeeeeeeaaaaal hungry.