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Daily Bull 1.30.18: Throwback Super Bowl Recipes

Happy Tuesday, Internet

Melba chef Scott Mitchell cooks up a steak sandwic Photo by Nigel Marple/Getty Images

“OMG look a Daily Bull!” okay hey calm down, folks. I’m just here to tantalize your palates and look back fondly on the Golden Era of NFL Football. You know those really cool slow-mo NFL Films clips with the dramatic music? Where all the players are wearing club casts on their arms and have some kind of blood on their faces? No one knew about CTE yet or thought about deflating the opposing team’s balls. It was a simpler time, when professional football was pure. And so was the food. Today we’re celebrating these glorious ‘70s dishes. If you are truly inspired, why not whip one of these delights up on Sunday and stun all of your modern friends?

You better go follow 70s Dinner Party if you love this, which you should.

MMM, yeah. Get things rolling with nice gender-oriented “salads.” This is the kind of thing your Grandma would painstakingly assemble to wow her cribbage club. Don’t forget: nothing defines masculinity quite like a cooked and pitted prune.

Now we’re talking. Nothing quite as Super Bowl-y as lunchmeat suspended in flavorless gelatin. Throw in some canned fruit and you’re grooving.

Cold and detached, they stare helplessly transfixed at a single point in front of them, waiting to be devoured. It’s a metaphor for people watching the Super Bowl, you see.

Hungover? Get some cold beef broth down you. Bloody Marys are for the weak and infirm.

Not a single carb in sight! This will please the Paleo crowd.

If there’s one thing we definitely know about the ‘70s, it’s that they ate celery at EVERY FUCKING MEAL. Proof that there are really no health benefits to eating celery, if we’re honest.

Liven up your crawfish boil with another ‘70s staple: cooked fish heads.

Oh dear. Can you imagine the hue and cry that a “ketchup on avocado” debate would incite on today’s Internet? Don’t let the blogosphere get wind of this.

Oh hell yeah. Sausages on sticks crammed into an entire cauliflower. This is what a drunken space alien would bring to a Super Bowl party in an attempt to show he was familiar with every nuance of American party life. South Beach friendly, though!

This is it. This is the entire decade condensed into one dish: celery, pineapple, hard-boiled eggs, canned meat, and all manner of other surprises. If you can put one of these down you can do anything you set your mind to. Serve this at your party, and you’ll know who your real friends are. (HINT: they’re the ones who don’t grow ill or leave.)

What’s your favourite? What have we missed? Share your own glorious recipes in the comments!