You’ve probably seen it by now: the heartwarming story of the Aggie QB who found a waitress through the magic of social media. (Apparently he didn’t manage to find out her info in person, or she didn’t want to give it to him, but apparently that’s another story.) Just scope this ridiculous headline, it’s AMAZING
Yes, wow. The starting QB at a major university managed to find someone through his 12,000 followers who knew someone who knew the waitress. Back in the olde days before the turn of the century, we’d have to stalk girls the old-fashioned way, by looking up all the Lindseys in the student directory and whittling away all the unlikely majors (then later, shock when she actually is an Electrical Engineering student). Or the alternative was actually going back to the establishment where they worked and speaking to them in person. Crazy!
But no, the lesson here for Nick isn’t that there are better and less creepy ways to get in touch with girls. It’s that you should not let this (perceived) helpful act lull you into the false sense that Aggie Twitter is here for you. We have seen it turn a hundred times, and buddy, it turns on a dime sharper than Christian Kirk on a comeback route and it’s got a knife in its teeth.
Let’s say you’re having a decent game against Clemson come this fall. Ags are down by a score in the third quarter. You misread something and throw a pick. Bad news, shake it off. Next time back on the field, you keep on a read-option on 2nd and 1 when Kendall Bussey has a huge lane up the middle. You lose four yards. The third-down conversion is unsuccessful. Kid, that’s enough for Aggie Twitter to turn on you and turn mean. I don’t recommend it, but if you’d like you could go back and do a deep dive Twitter search for your name during some tense moments in close losses this year. If you’re into self-torture and crippling doubt, that is. Maybe that’s just a blogger’s personality. Aggie Twitter has no loyalty and will tear you down with a hundred times the energy they built you up with. They’ve got far shorter memories than quarterbacks, with none of the team obligations or any sort of required skills.
Just remember, you may become friends with the waitress Lindsey from Hullabaloo Diner, but you’ll never be a true friend to Aggie Twitter. Keep your head on a swivel, Nick.