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Daily Bull 4.19.17 - Dorm & Dash

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What happens when people stop being polite and start being unaware that they are living together?

Congress Returns To Session After Summer Recess Photo by Mark Wilson/Getty Images

Just another Wednesday in spring, not much of interesting going on at Texas A&M University except a bandit dorm hobo.

Information on this story is scarce. Google revealed no articles written about the incident (way to go Battalion and Mugdown), so these are the facts we know:

a person was living in a drop ceiling in Krueger Hall

I can tell you that not a drop ceiling has been built that could support my Devitoan frame, so the person in question must be slight. Even then, maneuvering around up there would require the grace, dexterity, and balance of an Olympic gymnast or mid-level ninja.

the person had a mini-fridge and microwave

Again, what the hell is this ceiling constructed out of? But aside from that, ensuring that your crawlspace bungalow has a working Keurig, convection oven, and Ronco pizza cooker means you're gonna need juice. That Home Depot extension cord running through the acoustic tiles is just gonna raise questions from the RA, so you're gonna want to splice directly into the wiring while you're up there, MacGuyver. While you're at it, see if you can get us HBO.

'Said his roommate was "too loud"'

140 character limits have left us without pronoun context here, so we have two possible scenarios.

1) The student legally living in the actual floor space of this dorm ("vanillas" or "normies" in the pirate dorm vagrant community) complained about his hideaway hermit friend, implying he knew the person was up there and was almost certainly complicit in the act in which case why did you sabotage all of your collaborative hard work was he really playing Call Of Duty that loud?

Or better yet, 2) the sneaky subletter had lived up there for weeks unbeknownst to anyone. He just sat up there, ate his Totino's and watched. He watched them day and night, like the hunchback of Notre Dorm. How he longed to be a part of their world, where there was laughter and light and far fewer (but not zero) spiders. He even took to referring to the one below him ("Justin", the others had called him) as his roommate. And a fine roommate he was - until he got that djembe. Jesus Christ, Justin, if you don't stop with the fucking djembe I swear I'm calling the cops. Put the hand drum away, hippie, or I will get you fined and also ruin my carefully crafted existence up here. That's how much I hate your drum circle bullshit. Don't push me, Justin.

OK, that's it. You made me do this, Justin.