“All of humanity's problems stem from man's inability to sit quietly in a room alone.”
― Blaise Pascal, Pensées
OH THEE OFFSEASON YE TOUCH SO HOLLOW. In 2017, it’s damn near impossible to avoid the Content Machine of the digital age. Tech developers and manufacturers yolked with the suits on Madison Avenue have tapped into what the cigarette industry has known for decades - you are a simple rat that craves dopamine. Maybe we humans are a little better looking, but we’re still just wandering this big blue pebble looking for our next fix.
In your youth, Big Tobacco started flicking that dopamine bean in your brain early and often if you dare burn a few heaters in an effort to look cool. Joe Camel was hip as hell and we all wanted to be him. Before you know it, three decades have gone by, you’re yelling “Roll Tide” through a hole in your throat, and the oxygen tank that never leaves your side wears its own houndstooth fedora. Seen it a million times.
Big Content is no different. Sure, we content brutes don’t have to endure the scorn and ridicule in the same way smokers do in 2017. But Big Content knows what makes you tick. Hell yes you want to learn 6 Easy Steps to financial freedom while you mindlessly thumb-bang a phone that costs more than your rent. And what about the MEMES? Something mildly cute and interesting happened in a college basketball game? Lets beat the shit out of any implied humour on Twitter for 12 minutes before we get back to Aggie Football Spring Slideshow sponsored by Red Lobster.
There’s no bottom to the Content bucket. It is endless miles of utter shit financed by advertisers who buy and sell your eyeballs. You’re addicted. What are you going to do? NOT correct that Twitter egg bot that told you Texas A&M isn’t a Top 20 program of all time? I don’t think so, egg.
College football breeds some of the most irrational, obsessive humans you will encounter. Ratchet it up a few factors for the SEC. It’s why we love this stupid game. It’s also why the eyeballs of college football fans are extremely valuable. We’re a loyal, attentive bunch. Some of us even went to college and have a couple extra dimes to spare on shit we don’t need. An advertiser’s Shangri-la indeed.
Yes, it’s the offseason, but the content train plows right ahead and I’m not sure how to avoid it. Every time one of these stories rolls across my feed I want to dust my eyeballs with anthrax:
- Mock Draft! Version 459
- Way-too-early Top 25
- WATCH: you won’t believe what Jim Harbaugh did! LOLZ
I’m not even talking politics - which I will fight to the death we aren’t supposed to hear about every day. It’s relentless. It’s way too much. The world could take 10 years off from all tech development and we’d be way better for it.
So I posit the question to you, fellow rat: how do we unplug this offseason? How do you find space in your life for actual contemplation and not chasing that next Twitter refresh? How do you get mad in real life instead of just mad online?
I’m all ears. My eyes are fried and owned by admen, you see.
piss content is the only good content.
Went to take a leak in Moncrief and this was hanging above the toilet. May have been left by Charlie Strong. pic.twitter.com/xjOVoLMoaa— Shooter Flatch (@texasagsec) April 12, 2017
ChuckGBH and I are convinced this is all just a faux altruistic way to help 18-22 year old dudes pass drug screenings. If that’s the case, shrewd stuff from Hairplugs Herman.
Baseball team is off to Alabama tonight thru Saturday. Give ‘em hell, amigos.
Have a nice Thursday.