Oh, hello. How was your weekend? Wonderful? OK. Let’s ruin that.
Where the men’s hoops team actually might’ve had a shot against to knock off Kentucky in the season finale to improve their record to .500 in SEC play but instead decided to spray free throws around as haphazardly as Gary Busey throwing darts in a centrifugal accelerator after being up for six days on coke, heroin, and Barefoot Contessa’s special recipe Bellinis. In short: could’ve won, didn’t because simple things are the most difficult. Rinse, lather, repeat, put on maroon.
Or where an overachieving WBB squad makes a deep run in the SEC Tourney only to have their hopes crushed by a stifling Mississippi State, losing to the same team for the third time in five weeks and oh yeah if they do this then what in the hell are you supposed to do
Coach Blair noted this stat: The 5 MSU starters committed zero turnovers.
Finally, hey!—Baseball’s supposed to be good, right? What could be more fun than taking on a bunch of former conference rivals in a home-state tournament? Well, thrashing 19th-ranked Texas Tech 9-0 in the first game of the weekend is a pretty good start. What’s next? Oh, losing by one run in 15 innings to the #1 team in the country is just thrilling and fun baseball, isn’t it? No real shame in that, it’s a real slugfest even if it was 7-1 Aggies in the 6th inning nope don’t want to hear about that this was a solid effort by both teams [descends into babble of incomprehensible sprots cliches]. Fine, chalk that one up as a “good” loss whatever that is. Surely the stickball team finished the weekend strong after that disappointment and—
NEVER WATCH AGGIE SPORTS AGAIN EVER* THEY ARE RIDICULOUS AND PITIFUL AND COMPLETELY PREDICTABLE AND PROVIDE NOTHING BUT AGONY AND DESPAIR AND EXIST ONLY AS PUNISHMENT FOR OUR MOST SECRET GUILTY SINS.
*The baseball team is back in action tomorrow night at Olsen against UTRGV. Stay tuned for details.
Yes, sports are infuriating and dumb and exasperating. They’re also a distraction. You can’t control them, any aspect of them, no matter how much you chip away at the Internet with complaints, theories, and bouts of despair. Good Bull Hunting doesn’t have weekly board meetings with the Regents and all the coaches to relay all the vitriolic input we see online. We’re just fans like you, folks who try to find the fun in sports like any fan website should. If we stopped having fun, we wouldn’t be any good to anyone. That’s why we feel that continual implosions aren’t a harbinger of the end times; rather they are just our identity. Embrace it. Have fun with it. Self-deprecate a little bit. It makes the whole thing easier to swallow.
Evergreen tweet; scheduled to drop in the midst of any March weekend:
Welp. Aggie sports is doing Aggie sports things.— Doug Keegan (@doug_keegan) March 5, 2017