Last night I sat in my NRG-cooled home a few miles from the Super Bowl on top of a couch that costs a quarter of what a ticket to the game would have cost.
My DNA and stage in the life cycle places me directly into that coveted advertiser demo of 18-35 year old men...
WINGS. BEER. SPORTS. AMIRITE FELLAS.
Naturally, I followed the sheep in my demo and thumbed out pithy tweets teasing the game, GAGA, the ads, whatever. This is sports viewing in 2017. I can’t just WATCH a game anymore. No, I need to do a trillion things at once and get on my meager Twitter soap box and scream bad jokes to a paltry following. FUN!
This kind of behavior really ramps up in a blowout. During a blowout, everyone turns into Twitter Richard Pryor. MEMES! HAHA THE BEST.
Last night was a blowout. And then it wasn’t.
Early in the 3rd quarter, I was already counting my meager winnings from my SHREWD Falcons +3 wager. Why, I could take a lady to Pappadeux’s! How regal!
Then it all started to shift. NFL Alabama got a little taste of momentum and finally decided to make life miserable for their opponent. The New England Patriots clinically and efficiently brought themselves back into a game that was done ass dead. Hell, even Mark Wahlberg had already left the stadium. YOU-AH GUYS-AH DON’T UNDAHSTAHND THE PASSION OF BAWSTAWN SPAHTS FAHNS. THIS ANGUISH MAKES ME WANNA DO PULL AWPS SHIRTLESS ON CAMARAH.
Aided by some truly wretched and unforgivable play calling late by Texas Longhorn and Chris Simms BFF Kyle Shanahan, the door opened just enough for NFL Saban to shimmy through and kick Roger Goodell in the scrotum.
Good Bull Hunting will never be an NFL-heavy site. We like jokes and real tailgating too much. But we will always always continue to remind you that football is fun.
In a world that seems to have an inexhaustible supply of anger, chaos, taeks, and dickheads... football is still fun.
Have a nice off season. I’m told the basketball season starts sometime soon. Until then, enjoy Texas Aggie legend Martellus Bennett reveling in the spoils of a Super Bowl championship in his hometown.