Morning. Yes, big deal here, we’ve got two DB’s in a row. You are right to mock us. We have not been the #content grinders you deserve lately, and that’s on us. Anyway, today we’ve put together a bit of a primer for the upcoming spring QB battle. Enjoy—
JAKE HUBENAK, Senior
PRO: Devastating good looks, big-game experience.
CON: Not perfect at football.
THE FOOTBALL PART, ETC.:Very capable backup/game manager/team leader. Not explosive, just sort of smoldering in a subtle way.
SOMEWHAT (?) PLAUSIBLE SCENARIO: Skips leg days and hits the curls hard this offseason. Comes out ripped like TK 2.0 with an extra spring in his step and surprises people with his straight-line running speed, powerfully-thrown errant passes, and perfectly-cultivated 5-o-clock shadow to have a season very similar to Knight's 2016 campaign.
NICK STARKEL, RS-Freshman
PRO: Has had a year of learning the Patented M'Zone Offense under his belt.
CON: Has had a year of learning the Patented M'Zone Offense under his belt.
THE FOOTBALL PART, ETC.: Somewhat more athletic than Blumrick, not as much so as Mond. Received negative scouting report from a high school kid last year.
SOMEWHAT (?) PLAUSIBLE SCENARIO: Wins starting job against all odds, leads team to a NY6 bowl and beats the shit out of Ohio State, taunting Martell on the sideline after each of his five TD passes with an intricately-planned hand motion developed over months and months of grudgeful clipboard-holding and practice team beatings.
CONNOR BLUMRICK, Freshman
PRO: Tall. Good height. Good wingspan. Good reach factor. Good wrist load, good shoulder thrust ratio, good whip point, good delivery zone, good LENTH.
THE FOOTBALL PART, ETC.: Good pocket passer, strong arm. Like a Josh Rosen without the finely-honed trolling skills. YET.
SOMEWHAT (?) PLAUSIBLE SCENARIO: Noel Mazzone has a sweat lodge vision revelation one weekend out in Snook and implements the 4 TE offense, Blumrick puts on 40 pounds at Koppe Bridge one semester and earns 3-time All-SEC honors at tight end.
KELLEN MOND, Freshman
PRO: Much-touted, extremely sought-after, highly-profiled QB recruit
CON: Much-touted, extremely sought-after, highly-profiled QB recruit
THE FOOTBALL PART, ETC.: Very athletic, similar skillset to Trever Knight.
SOMEWHAT (?) PLAUSIBLE SCENARIO: Wins Heisman as a true freshman and immediately transfers to play for Tom Herman.
CONNER McQUEEN, Post-graduate
PRO: Has seen things, man.
CON: Actually sort of out of eligibility.
THE FOOTBALL PART, ETC.: Basically like Doug Flutie with red hair.
SOMEWHAT (?) PLAUSIBLE SCENARIO: Exploits little-known NCAA loophole that grants players who served as holder for 50+ consecutive games an extra year of eligibility. Comes in at halftime of the UCLA game and doesn’t look back.