NO-VEMBER

BY WES DAVIS

How’s everybody doing out there? Y’all OK? Good… good…. Just checking in. I know these last few weeks have been sports-difficult. Especially since we’re now in November, and we’ve seen November before. Let’s get through it together, though. Let’s talk about what’s exceptional about the month where things seem to just go south for the Aggies.

First: the Aggies get to play New Mexico this week. Now, say what you will about the state of the program, but it’ll be nice if they can get up for this one and put a beating on an inferior opponent. Along with this, we get to congratulate the current class of Seniors for their last outing on Kyle Field. These are good things, and I’m not even going to address what could happen if we decide to lose this game in the Worst Case portion of the Tailgate this week. OK, I have to. But it won’t be specific.

Second: hey! It finally cooled off! That’s great! Fall wardrobes are more forgiving, and therefore we can all stop pretending to “eat clean” for a few months, down some heavy snacks, drink beer, and just get fat while wearing a slimming dark fleece.

Third: Wurstfest. Take your ass to New Braunfels and enjoy the 10 day salute to sausage. Don’t drink a bunch of Jager and get on the spinny rides as that results in vomiting in your friend’s front yard in front of his mother. At least that’s what I’m told.

Fourth: Thanksgiving. These aren’t ranked, by the way. I love Thanksgiving. Food. Family. Football. It’s all good, unless you’re one of those killjoys that likes to shit on Turkey (Chuck).

Fifth: Other football! Remember how much fun it is to watch teams where you don’t care. Check out the “Elsewhere in the SEC” section this week to wish death and destruction on programs you hate, and watch some good late night MACtion, for the love of God.

Aggies - 35
Lobos - 17

CAST OF CHARACTERS

BY DR NORRIS CAMACHO

What. A. Career. Last game at Kyle Field and we didn't want to get verklempt...OK. How about another couple big plays for the scrapbook?

The Longview Legend. Quietly helped shape one of the stoutest defensive fronts in the conference. Nice career, 92.

Ratley, Ford, Cunningham, Schorp, Johnson, Harvey, Willis, Cline, Wilson, Hubenak, Tripucka, Daimler, Bruggman. They've seen a LOT of turmoil since 2014, and have stuck through it all. Get one more at home.

AHLTEYEWWUT, Bein backin KAHL FEEL is surdinly a TREMENNOUSS PLEZYUR. Ahm a bit CONZERND that this yurr's OPTSHIN is only AYTY-ONE PURSSINT PYUR.

Oh good, another mobile quarterback. Better Call Saul, just in case there are a few broken ankles out there on the field.

Has multiple sacks and a 91-yard interception TD, At 5'8", he'll sneak up on you and do something defense-y before you even know what's going on.

BUSINESS CLASS

BY DR NORRIS CAMACHO

A good business adapts to the marketplace. A football program is no different. With change now a near-certainty, it's time to familiarize ourselves with some of the keywords we'll be utilizing over the next couple of months. You do NOT want to be the person caught out at a vital meeting just nodding with nothing to add. Here are some words you can use online to prove your are an EXPERT in the business of coach-finding.

WHAT TO WATCH FOR

BY CHUCKGBH

HAT TRICK

There are exactly three teams in college football with the Aggies mascot: New Mexico State, Utah State, and Texas A&M. The Lobos have already lost to the first two this season, and now they are heading to Kyle Field as a sacrificial lamb. Let us complete the judgement of the Aggie triumverate and find the Lobos wanting.

FOOTBAWB

Y'all remember that time that Notre Dame hired a dude that lied on his resume to get the job? Yeah Bob Davie is the guy who lost his job to that dude. The former A&M coordinator is remembered as Notre Dame's Fran, despite having a coaching staff that included Urban Meyer, Charlie Strong, Steve Addazio, and Joker Phillips. Now he's spending his middle age years trying to find himself in Albuquerque just like that aunt you never hear from anymore.

PARTICIPATION BOWLS

Amid all of the griping and gnashing of teeth don't lose sight of the fact that a win this weekend would make the Aggies bowl eligible. Yes, a bottom tier bowl is the satisfying but not delicious Saltine cracker of college football, but these players deserve a bowl this season. Also, without the Independence Bowl the people of Shreveport would have turn the childrens hospital into an underground potbelly pig fighting ring to make ends meet this Christmas.

ELSEWHERE IN THE SEC

BY CHUCKGBH

#2 ALABAMA @ #16 MISSISSIPPI STATE

Now it’s Dan Mullen’s turn to try and lock down that signature 2017 win that lands him a big new [extension to his contract / job at another school]. This Alabama squad is flawed, albeit in the same way that a 2 carat diamond is flawed but still so much better than that half-eaten ring pop you’re wearing. Besides, MSU beat the Aggies by 21 in Kyle Field and Bama only won by 18, QED Dawgs by three.

HOTREELZ

BY CUPPYCUP

#DIV/0! DEGREES OF KEVIN SUMLIN

BY CHUCKGBH

Coach Kevin of Aggieland fame
Lost another late conference game
Now the tank-driving set
Hasn’t fired him yet
But they’ve called Jimbo up just the same

PLACE YOUR BETS

BY GBH STAFF

BEST CASE / WORST CASE

BY THACKTOR

BEST CASE

WORST CASE