SEC Country published an article yesterday after learning that my favorite Twitter account, @TAMUPolice, is a thing. Apparently 10 alcohol violations and a game ejection is enough to warrant being called “quite a bit of bad behavior for one football game.” Let’s just say, for a nice round number, that there are 100,000 people around Kyle Field for game day against MSU, does 0.011% of that population equate to “quite a lot of bad behavior”? To me, that looks like normal game day TAMU blotter material.
I get it, we need content (hi!), but if you’re going to dig into @TAMUPolice, let’s really get in there and find some criminal gems.
10/18-Theft (PA 40B): Front license plate stolen, but replaced with one from another vehicle.— Texas A&M Police (@TAMUPolice) October 27, 2017
This reads like the aftermath of an episode of Friends. Phoebe returns to her cab to find her front plate has been stolen. In her oh so quirky manner, she just removes the front license plate from another vehicle, slaps it on her cab, and returns to Central Perk to tell her now shocked group of sarcastic buddies about the incident. Chandler makes 25 license jokes for the remainder of the episode, until Phoebe is arrested and then hit with several counts of performing her trade... without a license.
10/18-Public Intoxication (Dorm 7): PD dispatched to passed out person. Subject found lying at entrance (body on ground; feet on step).— Texas A&M Police (@TAMUPolice) October 27, 2017
I hope this person, upon waking up in the tank, decided that it was time to get new friends. NEVER leave a mate behind when going to the bars, especially if that mate is the turbo drunk. You know the kind. Everything is fine, everything is dandy, then... all of a sudden Jeremy is just gone. Twenty minutes later you find Jeremy in the Century Tree proposing to pigeons. Bad Bull, Jeremy. But at least his friends cared enough to stop him.
10/15-Public Intoxication (Stotzer Pkwy): Told PD that roommate left him at Northgate and his shirt was ripped because the two had wrestled.— Texas A&M Police (@TAMUPolice) October 24, 2017
There’s obviously some missing context here, and I’d love to know what it is. What were these bros fighting about that they “wrestled” and then subsequently parted ways. What happened to the other roommate? WHICH ONE OF THESE WAS THE SCORNED LOVER??
Also, does this guy want to walk on? We had some success with a similar individual.
10/9-Bike Theft: A&M student arrested for stealing UPD bait bike. Told PD friend had loaned it to him, but didn't know his last name.— Texas A&M Police (@TAMUPolice) October 16, 2017
Public Service Announcement: DO NOT STEAL BIKES BECAUSE APPARENTLY 40% ARE BAIT! In scrolling just two weeks I’ve seen at least 6 of these tweets. I mean, you shouldn’t steal a bike because it’s a dick move (still looking for that son of a bitch from my freshman year), but honestly... they’re all bait bikes. All of em.
(Gameday) Kyle Field (Restroom near Sec. 231) ejection for intoxication. Released to a sober friend.— Texas A&M Police (@TAMUPolice) October 8, 2017
This sober friend likely deserves an Oscar, and the “friend of the year” award.
Did you have any run-ins with the law while attending school? Were you or are you a TAMU Police Officer and would you like to share some particularly hilarious incident with greater detail? Let us know in the comments. Thanks for keeping us all safe, @TAMUPolice. Policing a college town can’t be easy, and we all appreciate the work you do.