ALL CAPS PREVIEW-TEXAS A&M vs. SOUTH CAROLINA

HAVE YOU RECOVERED FROM LAST WEEKEND BECAUSE I CERTAINLY HAVEN’T. IN FACT IF YOU HAVE RECOVERED THEN LET’S GET YOU INTO A RELAPSE BY HAVING YOU WATCH THIS

LET’S GO

AND THOSE GOAL LINE STANDS. ARKANSAS HAD THE DADGUM BALL AT THE HALF INCH LINE AND ARMANI WATTS AND CLAUDE GEORGE JUST WENT ALL GANDALF AND SAID YOU SHALL NOT PASS WHICH IS GOOD BECAUSE THAT ALLEN KID IS A GOOD PASSER BUT THEY MEANT IT LIKE YOU’RE NOT GOING ANYWHERE AND THEN WE STUFFED THEM.

AND THIS WEEK WE GET TO DO IT AGAIN. WE GET TO REINVIGORATE THE DEPTHS OF HATRED WE HAVE FOR OUR LONGTIME FOE AND RIVAL SOUTH CAROLINA. THIS GAME HAS BEEN A WEIRD ONE FOR THE PAST THREE YEARS. IN 2014 IT WAS TRILLENY TRILL LEADING HIS TRILL GROUP OF TRILAGGIES TO AN OPENING TRILLY TRILLY WIN. THEN LAST YEAR DOBBY THE HOUSE ELF GOT THE START AND LED US TO ANOTHER WIN DESPITE A FURIOUS COMEBACK BY THE GAMECOCKS (HEH).

THIS YEAR WE GET TO FACE MOOSECHAMP AS HE MAKES HIS WAY BACK TO KYLE FIELD. MUSCHAMP HAS SAID MEAN THINGS ABOUT COLLEGE STATION THAT OUR MAYOR HAD TO RESPOND TO WHEN WE PLAYED THEM IN 2012. HE PROBABLY SAID THOSE THINGS BECAUSE HE WAS STILL MAD ABOUT THAT TIME CYRUS GRAY RAN ALL OVER HIS DEFENSE TO THE TUNE OF LIKE A BILLION YARDS IN THAT GAME AGAINST THAT OTHER TEAM THAT WAS OUR RIVAL. BUT THAT RIVAL CANT COMPARE TO THE ANGER AND RAGE THAT WE HAVE FOR THE SOUTH CAROLINA GAMECOCKS (HEH).

WE ARE REACHING THE TURNING POINT OF THE SEASON WHERE WE FIND OUT WHAT WE’RE REALLY MADE OF. AND I’M NOT JUST TALKING ABOUT THE TEAM I’M TALKING ABOUT THE FANS. WILL YOU COMMIT YOUR HEART 100% TO THESE FIGHTIN’ TEXAS AGGIES DESPITE THE RISK OF HAVING IT BROKEN? WILL YOU BE TRUE TO AMC? IF SO THAT STARTS THIS WEEKEND. WE NOT ONLY WANT A WIN BUT WE WANT TO CHOKE THE LIFE OUT OF THE GAMECOCKS. WE WANT TO DESTROY THEM. WE WANT MUSCHAMP TO PUNCH MULTIPLE WHITEBOARDS AT THE HALF.

TRILLVOR KNIGHTBALL WILL LEAD YOUR FIGHTIN’ TEXAS AGGIES ON THE FIELD AND HAND THE BALL OFF TO THUNDER AND LIGHTNING IN I DON’T POP MOLLY I ROCK KEITH FORD AND BAEVION TRILLIAMS. JOSH REYNOLDS WILL CATCH WHATEVER YOU THROW IN THE AIR. OUR OL HAS BEEN LOCKED IN A DARK CLOSET EATING RAW MEAT SLIPPED TO THEM THROUGH A CRACK IN THE DOOR BY JIM TURNER.

AND THEN OH LAWD OUR DEFENSE. ZAYCOVEN HENDERSON AND KINGSLEY KEKE HAVE BEEN WORKING ON THE ABILITY TO BEND METAL USING THEIR MINDS—AND THEY’RE MAKING GREAT PROGRESS. ARMANI WATTS HAS BEEN DISTRIBUTING BOXES OF TISSUE ON CAMPUS BUT THE TISSUE IS ACTUALLY JUST A BOX OF RAZORBLADES AND EVERYONE IS KIND OF MAD AT HIM BUT NO ONE CAN SAY ANYTHING BECAUSE HE’S REALLY GOOD AT FOOTBALL AND THEY GET THE METAPHOR HE’S TRYING TO MAKE. CLAUDE GEORGE HAS LITERALLY MORPHED INTO A SLEDGEHAMMER AND IS ON A CONSTRUCTION SITE SOMEWHERE AND CHAVIS IS LIKE “I’M COOL WITH THIS HE’S GETTING REPS”

THIS IS OUR GAME. WE’RE GOING TO SEEK AND DESTROY. WE’RE GOING TO TEAR WILLIAMS BRICE STADIUM TO THE GROUND. WE’RE GOING TO GO THERE AND DO WHAT WE DO BEST—DESTROY HOPES AND DREAMS.

THIS IS OUR GAME

THIS IS OUR TIME

GET YOUR MIND RIGHT

GET YOUR BODY RIGHT

LET’S GET THIS THING DONE

BTHO south carolina