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Alternate Locations for the Texas A&M vs. Texas Rematch

Texas Motor Speedway is okay, but how about these?


The news broke on Thursday that the Texas Motor Speedway would like to host the first rematch between A&M and Texas in football. With this announcement generating considerable buzz, other venues have contacted the two schools about hosting the event, which is sure to draw plenty of attention and viewers.

  • Elon Musk would like to host the first game to be played on Mars. In a shrewd move, the West Texas chapter of Texas-Exes has already reserved the McDonald Observatory for a watch party.
  • The Buc-ee's in Bastrop has claimed to be the halfway point between both schools and a perfect location for this event. Each ticket sold will include beef jerky, a 44 ounce Dr. Pepper, and your very own urinal.
  • Kim Jong Un has invited the two schools to play at Rungrado-1st-of-May Stadium, which is the largest football stadium in the world. Kim Jong Un commented that a state controlled media spewing propaganda and refusing to cover the demise of its host sounds like a lot like the Longhorn Network.
  • The Emir of the UAE has offered the helipad of the Burj Khalifa. Failure to keep at least one foot in bounds will result in tumbling 2,000 feet to your death.
  • The Mayor of Austin has suggested that small is the new big. One of the nearly 5,000 new gastropubs in Austin could host the event. Attendance would be limited to 40, maybe 50 people max. All players would need to be locally sourced and farm raised.
  • On the grounds of previously demolished Floyd Casey Stadium. Formerly known as Kyle Field North, both Texas and A&M are familiar with multiple wins at that site. And the people of Waco would finally be rewarded with two football programs worth supporting.
  • Satan has announced that the game will be held on a chilly day in Hell. He said according to TexAgs, this is the only time Aggies would purchase tickets to this game.