:format(webp)/cdn.vox-cdn.com/uploads/chorus_image/image/50588675/491192050.0.jpg)
It’s Wednesday of game week, a day that GBHers the world over know is filled with joy, fun, and anticipation. I was fully prepared to write a quick little joke about the Daily Bull and pass it off while we waited on more important business.
Then yesterday UCLA QB Josh Rosen said a very stupid thing.
"After about 50k people, it all sounds about the same," UCLA QB Josh Rosen says about anticipating crowd noise at Kyle Field.
— Lindsey Thiry (@LindseyThiry) August 30, 2016
I know you meant that once you can’t hear, you can’t hear. You still have no idea what you’re talking about.
Wait, what’s that? You have a plan?
"If we’re able to execute with a silent operation, it’ll take a lot of the crowd out of the game," center Scott Quessenberry said after practice.
"And we’re working on a whisper count as well."
Alright, that’s it. It’s time the 12th Man taught Mr. Rosen a lesson in acoustics.
You wanna know what 100k Aggies sounds like? It sounds like a swarm of locusts devouring your village. It sounds like a squadron of A-10 Warthogs chewing through an enemy armored convoy. It sounds like cutting a 1987 Chevy C20 in half with a rusty chainsaw. It sounds like hell.
UCLA had to replace three of their offensive linemen this season, and will be starting the junior Quessenberry at center. You know who has a hard time with 100k Aggies? GREEN OFFENSIVE LINEMEN INCLUDING A CENTER WHO HASN’T TAKEN A SNAP SINCE 2014.
Myles Garrett is the best defensive player in the country. You know who loves 100k Aggies? MYLES GARRETT AND HIS FLEET OF DREADNOUGHTS MAKING SURE THAT ALL JOSH ROSEN CAN HEAR IS RINGING.
But hey, Josh Rosen knows crowd noise because he once played in front of 56k rowdy Arizona fans and a really intense drum circle at the L.A. Mausoleum Coliseum. You know who has a hard time with 100k Aggies? WEST COAST PARTYBOYS WHO’VE NEVER PLAYED A ROAD GAME EAST OF ARIZONA AND HAVE NO IDEA WHAT FOOTBALL LOOKS LIKE IN ITS HOTTEST CRUCIBLE.
Get loud this weekend, Ags. Get so goddamn loud that the Bruins go home telling wild, exaggerated stories about you and how uncouth and unhinged you are. Get so loud that they actually say out loud that they’d never let their kids go to A&M, because we don’t want their sun-kissed little kids to weaken the bloodlines of angry, loud, berserker Texans that stalk Kyle Field on Saturdays. MAKE THEM WONDER WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU.
Whisper all of the sweet nothings you want to your center, Josh. He can’t hear you. In Kyle Field no one can hear you scream.