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Daily Bull 08.26.16 - Bad Aggie Flashbacks, Vol. 2

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Through dangers untold and hardships unnumbered, I have fought my way here to the castle beyond the Goblin City to take back the child that you have stolen, for my will is as strong as yours, and my kingdom as great — You have no power over me.

You remind me of the Bob...

OK look, this one is gonna sting, there’s no two ways about it. But Bad Aggie Flashbacks aren’t actually about remembering and reveling in the awful things that can happen. They are about taking the power away from those memories. As a current and former fat kid I can assure you that facing and laughing at the things which hurt you is a powerful way of disarming them. So stop being reactionary and defensive and instead laugh with us about the greatest debacle in the history of Aggie football.

Counter subconscious espionage.

77-0 is a score that beggars comprehension. It’s like someone telling you the population of India significant to the tens digit – your brain immediately stops listening and says, “A lot. Got it. Let’s move on.” What sport could this be? The Washington Generals routinely kept games closer than this. Cricket lasts a really long time and its scores are a mystery to every American. Darts? Could this be darts?

Of course every Aggie remembers this grand mal seizure, a fiasco in three acts because OU stopped scoring in the third quarter.

"It was an odd situation to be in," Stoops said. "I believe in being decent to people."

Bob Stoops called off the dogs for an entire quarter after scoring eleven touchdowns because he thought that was merciful. AND IT WAS. Ignore dishonest arguments about sportsmanship and running up the score and accept that it took concerted effort by Oklahoma to stop scoring, it had become so damned easy. Only through discipline, hard work, and time in the weight room can a team be fully prepared to avoid an errant pass being inadvertently deflected by an impotent Aggie defender and becoming wedged in the facemask of a Sooner receiver who had dutifully duct taped his own hands behind his back.

Enough hyperbole. Let’s look at some numbers.

  • Oklahoma had more first downs than A&M had passing yards.
  • The Aggies’ rushing average would not be tall enough to ride a rollercoaster.
  • A&M never snapped the ball on OU’s half of the field.
  • The Sooners’ backup QB ran for 79 yards and 2 TDs.
  • Depending on your perspective, OU DB Derrick Strait’s 17 yard fumble return for a TD was A&M’s longest play from scrimmage.

Also this happened:

There was a lot of booing from the Aggie crowd for Melvin Bullitt’s celebration, but those fans have never experienced the level of horror and confusion that the A&M defense was living. This was not an actual celebration or even a conscious act, it was a base instinctual reaction. His body had tried every other action it knew to no avail, and now it was just dumping the entire server into his limbs in the desperate hope that something would make the nightmare stop. This was like giggling at your serial killer captor while fear-peeing.

This game was also a testament to the durability of kickers. If Josh Lambo and Drew Kaser were the sleek, powerful road cars of the kicking world then OU placekicker Trey DiCarlo was a Toyota Hilux – doggedly determined not to break down no matter how much you overused it. He made 11 extra points, which is a pretty good day out but fell one shy of A&M punter Jacob Young’s 12 punts. QB Reggie McNeal only attempted one more pass than Young had punts, and Young’s average punt was greater than the Aggie total aerial offense for the day. The most shocking statistic of this game was 2, because that is the number of functioning legs each of these kickers had at the end of the game.

2003 OU @ Texas A&M was an atrocity, offensive to Aggies, to the creators and curators of the sport of football, and to decent human beings who believe in the inherent nobility of man. But it’s time to take the chip off our shoulder, Ags. From an objective standpoint this game is hilarious, comedy on the same level as watching adults dunk on toddlers on YouTube. As soon as you admit this game is funny, no one can ever use it against you again. You have no power over me, Bob.

And if you still don’t think it’s funny, remember: we beat Baylor 73-10 this same year.