Are you feeling bloated, jilted... indignant?
Does your Aggie spirit somehow experience hubris overload and spill maroon all over your pants and cargo shorts?
Are you often left feeling simultaneously empty and superior after telling the internet just how little you care about that (former) annual burnt orange curse?
You need PlayTexas! The PlayTexas in Sports pad works like this:
First, PlayTexas' patented liner fits seamlessly in your underwear and extracts just the right amount of hate from your bloodstream. Once again, you have the ability to face your rivals without petty, constricting thoughts of "brand", "business", or "TV Revenue".
PlayTexas is fun and sporty! Like you! And football!
Second, when you're feeling fussy and vindictive, PlayTexas provides the reminder that you're secure and confident - a sassy Ag on-the-go ready to conquer that Thanksgiving turkey and rivalry.
Only PlayTexas has the 365-day design of hatred to remind you why you got into this in the first place. Don't let your pathetic, feeble ego get in the way - PlayTexas!
Accept no substitute! You may find a PlayTexas San Antonio or a PlayTexas El Paso. These near-replicas can mimic some of the performance, but will fall short in absorbing your heavy flow of hate.
When you're ready to beat the hell outta something... it's time for PlayTexas.
Talk to your doctor before starting PlayTexas. Do not use PlayTexas if you already have a prescription subscription to a paid Ag internet provider. Your indignant bellyache may be permanently cursed in groupthink.