Daily Bull 6.17.16

MY GOD IT'S SO SLOW. We're not even through June and I'm already through with summer. The heat and the bugs and the bros sans sleeves can all get bent. I'm penning this missive from the Orlando airport daydreaming about wearing a fleece and shorts on a late October Saturday gearing up for a day of football. What's waiting for me on the other end of this morning flight? The cool, crisp breezes of Houston in June. I resent the settlers of the city in which I reside.

I'm lean on distrcations for all this too. There is absolutely nothing on the tele unless you're into fixed basketball, dragons, or yet another got damn soccer tournament or friendly or whatever it is. I blindly pull for the poor countries because it is all they have. Football, please come quickly. I have almost nothing for this Daily Bull. Hell, I might even take an A&M regent saying something hacky and lame about the Horns. Nada.

LOUISIANA CAMPIN'. Sumlin and the entire A&M football staff went to Monroe, Louisiana (gorgeous! The Florence of north east Louisiana) to host a camp with Tulane. You can tell Sumlin is very serious about Louisiana. It's mid June and he took the whole staff. No vacations for you, Moorehead.

IF YOU HATE THE KARDASHIANS, READ THIS. This is a beautiful taek from the online periodical Star Wipe - another great vertical of The Onion. The author wastes zero time eviscerating the terrible human:

Fuck this notion that Kim Kardashian represents any sort of strong example for the modern anything. Yes, she has taken ownership of her body and her nakedness and refused to be shamed; these are empowering qualities that everyone can and should possess, without any need to give Kim Kardashian money to promote them. But we seem all too willing to ignore that Kim Kardashian is a carefully constructed facsimile of a person who would readily sneer at you, your body, and the garbage rags you use to drape it if you were ever face to face, and not some sort of modern-day champion of people who aren’t her or her immediate relatives. She became famous by hanging around with Paris Hilton, for Christ’s sake, a thoroughly documented awful person who turned an entire generation into selfie-taking, duckface-making, status-obsessed assholes.

Being super into yourself is not empowering, goddamnit; it’s obnoxious. Vanity is one of the cardinal sins for a reason, because it makes the planet impossible to live in when every single person believes they’re the only ones on it. Yet she and her goddamn family have turned it into a career and a lifestyle that millions aspire to, and that, increasingly, earns her glowing, sympathetic profiles in which she’s held up as someone to be admired. Fuck that.

I choose to blame this woman and her family for the avoidable drama we've experienced at the quarterback position of late. Mark my words - Tate Martell will date a shiny, vapid trash bag human in this family tree.

Have a great Friday. Because we have nothing to talk about, you're getting a food poll. Do your worst in the 'mments.