Due to the increasing success of the ESPN Scripps National Spelling Bee, and its viewer ratings, the SEC Network has decided to create it's own version, and have the SEC football coaches in for a Spelling Bee hosted by Paul Finebaum. Here's how it went...
Paul: Welcome everyone to the first annual AJC Spelling Bee on the SEC Network. We have advanced to the final round now after Butch Jones of Tennessee couldn't spell "championship", and Coach Freeze pretended he didn't know how to spell the word "allegation". Our first speller today is Alabama head coach Nick Saban. Nick, your word this round is "autochthonous".
Saban: *places Coca-Cola bottle on the top of the podium* Now first I want to start by saying thank you to the journalists out there for burying me last round, when you told everyone I couldn't spell "deification". You said the dynasty was over. *Saban begins gesturing wildly with his hands* We have a spelling process here at Alabama. That's P-R-O-C-E-S-S. (BUZZER SOUNDS FOR INCORRECT SPELLING)
Paul: Ooooo...I'm sorry Nick, but it's A-U-T-O-C-H-T-H-O-N-O-U-S. Well next up we have Coach Muschamp from South Carolina. Just a reminder coach, you do not have to yell your answer. Your word is "infuriate".
Mushchamp: CAN YOU GIVE ME THE ORIGIN AND MEANING OF THE WORD!!!!!!!!
Paul: It's from Latin and is a verb meaning to make someone extremely angry.
Muschamp: WE ARE GOING TO OVERCOME THE ADVERSITY OF THIS SPELLING BEE!!!! *punches podium* "I-N-F-U-R-I-A-T-E"
Paul: Correct! I had a feeling you'd get that one Will. Our next contestant is Texas A&M's Kevin Sumlin. Coach, your word is "transfer".
Sumlin: Hmmm...That doesn't sound familiar to me. Can you repeat the word?
Paul: "transfer". I can repeat it five times if necessary Coach Sumlin.
Sumlin: No, no. That's enough. Can you use it in a sentence?
Paul: The 5 star quarterback decided to transfer from Texas A&M.
Sumlin: "A-S-S-H-O-L-E" (BUZZER SOUNDS FOR INCORRECT SPELLING)
Paul: Ouch. That was just a tough draw there for Coach Sumlin. Up next is Arkansas head coach Bret Bielema. Your word is "tittibhasana".
Paul: Okay coach. Let's show a little maturity here.
Bielema: *giggling uncontrollably* "T-I-T-T-I----WANNA!!!" (BUZZER SOUNDS FOR INCORRECT SPELLING)
Paul: Next year Greg is doing this thing. Okay, let's move along. Up next is Coach Les Miles. Coach Miles, your word is "staphylococci".
Miles: Is the origin of the word Latin to Klingon to French to Spanglish?
Miles: *takes off his pants and begins singing the Canadian national anthem while holding a sparkler* (BUZZER SOUNDS FOR INCORRECT SPELLING)
Paul: Okay, let's wrap this up, I've got a mani/pedi lined up with Tebow and Booger this afternoon. Coach Malzahn your word is "unscrupulous".
Malzahn: Can you repeat the word and spell it for me?
Paul: No Gus, I can't. "unscrupulous"
Malzahn: Okay, can you use it in a sentence and spell all the words in the sentence for me? Can I look up the word on my phone? Can I have someone from Mississippi State pay you to spell the word for me? Can I just spell the word really fast and you pretend I got it right? "u-n-s-cr-ip-til-ici-ous" WAR EAGLE!!! (BUZZER SOUNDS FOR INCORRECT SPELLING)
Paul: And Coach Will Muschamp is our 1st Annual SEC Coaches Spelling Bee Champion!!