Daily Bull 5.12.16

^^^ tumbler is good for hiding Dad's Cutty Sark that he drinks to forget that you got him a knockoff that literally says "Dad" ^^^

SATELLITE INDUSTRY. NASA might have been sold to Mexico for parts (Ed. Note - we didn't fact check this tidbit) but the satellite industry continues to boom in the southern U.S. of goddamn A. This iteration of satellites comes in the form of camps where young boys can showcase their labor skills to well-heeled grown men coaches and the lackeys who write propaganda for pennies in the name of 'recruiting industry'. It somehow makes pageant moms seem normal.

The popularity of these camps has exploded in the labor talent centers of Florida, Texas, and the like. Little programs like Alabama are rolling right into the Metroplex, hanging out a shingle, and declaring "Open for Business" to the scores of impressionable, talented young men who will one day work weekends for free in front of 100,000 people and millions more on TV.

I know. All this chatter about satellites, labor camps, and, you know, lack of wages feels a little too Soviet Russia. This is the world we've crafted for ourselves and A&M must adapt or die in a Liberty Bowl bread line.

In a move to adapt, Sumlin has partnered with the guy who totally would be #1 on the short list to replace him if things got a little dicey this year in a series of camps scattered around the Lone Star State. That's some serious GAME THEORY going down on an alliance between a school that really wants to be in the Big 12 and a school that ditched the Big 12 in an effort to protect recruiting pipelines FROM the Big 12.

If you don't know what the shit I'm talking about, I envy you and your balanced, healthy, peaceful life.

MASTRO OF PUPPETS. When you need a little brawn in your squad, you dial up that old Italian bruiser from the good ol days. I say this even as an Irish lad. A&M - as always - needs big, warm bodies at linebacker. I'd rather not watch our bad ass safeties have to fill every damn hole in Tuscaloosa this fall. Not sustainable business practice. You might remember Jordan Mastrogiovanni. A little over a year ago, he retired from football to focus on his studies. He missed the sport greatly and is coming back as a walk-on this fall. Hope you're ready to burn some of that cannoli and ziti weight of, Mastro. We're going to need you. Seriously - this is a good story and some really nice news.

UNCLE VERNE. My folks live in Steamboat Springs, Colorado. It's a lovely place. I recommend it both in the winter and summer. Verne Lundquist also resides in Steamboat. Amusing, because Steamboat does not give two shits about college football. This is a nice read from the tiny local paper on our man Verne. Meanwhile, Gary Danielson resides inside a hemorrhoid up Nick Saban's asshole.

Have a lovely Thursday, gang.