So you’re an Aggie who wants to watch some exciting and different videos about your alma mater on the internet. You type "Texas A&M" into the YouTube search bar. All that pops up are a crop of unnecessary highlight videos, too many on-campus flash mobs from 2012 (like way too many), and every "There’s a Spirit" video since 2010. Besides the "There’s a Spirit" videos which are each awesome and wonderful and are guaranteed to make you cry in the Starbucks where you are writing a blog post about Aggie YouTube videos, there’s a lot of clutter.
So I did the dirty work for you. In the spirit of the Academy Awards (or in the spirit of making this article relevant for my editors) here are the winners of the best, most essential Aggie-related videos online right now (before they get taken down.)
Best Documentary Feature:
The List Eater
Featuring a star-turning role by newcomer Aubrey Bloom, this is the ultimate Texas A&M legend captured on film for posterity. No one knows what has happened to the infamous List Eater but rumors are out there that she still is out there.
(PS: put "Eat Donuts, Not Lists" on my tombstone.)
Best Original Song - Honorable Mentions:
This is an incredible video because of the questions it raises. First question: why? Second question: how do I get this song out of my head? I would love to meet the singer/writer of this song and shake her hand and then take her hand and make her delete this video. "Enjoy" it while you can.
This couldn’t win the award for "Best Original Song" because it is not technically an original song. But it is an important moment in A&M history. One question lingers: would this have happened if we had female yell leaders? I will let you discuss that, Facebook commenters.
Raise Up Bryan College Station
"Call me, Ishmael."
"It was the best of times, it was the worst of times."
"Hey, why don’t you put on one of those ill beats for me."
There have been many famous opening lines but the latter of these kicks off what can be referred to as the single-worst video I have discovered online. (What are these two up-and-coming rappers doing now? Do they have families? Are they actually Macklemore/Ryan Lewis? If you know, get in touch.)
Best Original Song - Winner:
Thank You, Aggieland
I love Jerrod Johnson. The textbook definition of a great Aggie, he is also the textbook definition of a great singer. If your favorite A&M-related song is "We Bleed Maroon" you are wrong and also maybe partially deaf, sorry. This blogger recommends you drive around campus with the windows down, blaring this song, at least once. Or don’t. I can’t tell you what to do.
Best Original Screenplay:
The beginning of this video deserves an award in itself: the Aggies return from the huge win in Tuscaloosa (keep your eyes peeled for Kliff and Johnny walking amid the confetti.) But starting at 1:45, then-Senior Ryan Swope gives the most incredible, heartfelt speech that I have to assume it was written by a team of professionals because it was so perfect. The voice-cracks and emotion takes you back to a magical time in Aggie Football history.
Best Actor in a Supporting Role:
Drew Kaser, in "Toast With Toates"
Moving into the acting awards, our first recipient is the recently-verified punter Drew Kaser. This is the finest video of the (in)famous "Toast With Toates" series, made by friend of the blog Jeff Toates. This video catapulted both the host and the punter into the national spotlight, ending with Mr. Kaser becoming the first punter to win the Heisman Trophy. (I assume.)
Best Actress in a Leading Role:
Cadet Date, in "30 Second Clip from ESPN Broadcast"
This thirty-one-second video requires repeat viewings to truly grasp what is transpiring on our screens. Does she not realize what is happening? Are they embroiled in a lovers’ quarrel? The truth is out there.
Best Actor in a Leading Role:
Terrence Murphy, in CRIBS.
This is where future-Packer and current-realtor Terrence Murphy discovered his true passion: showing homes. It is interesting to compare the Bright Complex of this video with the current iteration. How did they win football games without a barber shop?
And that’s it. Please vote for your choice for Best Picture and we’ll report the results. I’m putting my money down on Tra-La-La.
Did we leave any off the list? We probably have. We don’t live on the internet. Let us know in the comments below.