There’s wrapping paper strewn all about the house. You’re leaving the lights up now until someone outdoes you in a game of brinksmanship and forces your hand. You’re subsisting on baked goods and leftover carbs and meats and oh look there’s a MAC-SEC matchup at 10 a.m.! Bowl Week has begun.
ST PETERSBURG BOWL
Miami (OH-IO) vs Mississippi State
Monday December 26th | 10:00 am | ESPN
WHY YOU SHOULD CARE: Its Monday morning and you're likely off work. You want to go return all those gifts today with the rest of the mouth breathers? Hell no. Park thyself on the couch with a cup of coffee (with RumChata) and soak in some college football.
WHY YOU SHOULDN'T CARE: This jankass bowl game doesn't even have a real sponsor. No chicken outlet, no pleated pants slinger (What up Belk?!), not even a damn weedeater manufacturer or mattress salesman. They are sponsored by the city of St Petersburg, because they assume people outside of Gainesville would ever want to visit St Petersburg.
WHY YOU SHOULD CARE: This game features The Bizzarro Baylor - Miami of Ohio. They lost their first six games, then made the turn at the clubhouse and finished by winning six straight. That's how you finish a damn season.
WHY YOU SHOULDN'T CARE: It also features a 5-7 MississiCLANGA team that is bowling because of academics. Let that sink in for a minute. They also made a bowl because they beat the #4 team in the nation this season. "Over Starkville?" "No, I don't think I'll ever get over Starkville."
WHY YOU SHOULD CARE: Because we at GBH love Steven Stingray. And he cares, so we do too.
WHY YOU SHOULDN'T CARE: Because you're going to get too hyped on an ESS EEE SEE team versus a .500 MAC team and lay 14 points with a 5-7 team in a bowl game.
QUICK LANE BOWL
Boston College vs. Maryland
Monday, 1:30 p.m. | ESPN
Jesus Christ, both these teams are bowl-eligible? Five years ago this would be just another 11 a.m. game to decide who would finish in last place of that one ACC division. You know, the one that doesn't have all the good teams. Now it's got all the trappings and decor of a Boxing Day postseason matchup sponsored by an auto lube company. People who complain that there are too many bowls should be made to change their own motor oil while wearing a Santa Claus sumo suit. Both head coaches used to be coordinators at Florida so it makes sense that the former OC has a great defense and shitty offense and the former DC gave up 191 points in a four-game losing streak before bouncing back against good ol' Rutgers in his final game. At least this game will be played indoors in Detroit in the early afternoon on a weekday in order to maximize the immaculate pageantry of the event. I'll be glued to it for its entirety.
THE INDEPENDENCE BOWL
by Lucas Jackson
NC State vs. Vandy
Monday, 4 p.m. | ESPN
(ed. note: Mr. Jackson did not submit on time so we just posted his last few tweets about the Independence Bowl)
If I win Powerball get ready for the @GBHunting Independence Bowl— Lucas Jackson (@CoolHand_Lucas) January 9, 2016
The last time the Independence Bowl saw this many points Johnny was here— Lucas Jackson (@CoolHand_Lucas) December 26, 2015
Hokie band opened with a tribute to Queen— Lucas Jackson (@CoolHand_Lucas) December 27, 2015
In the Independence Bowl
Kentucky just hates the Independence Bowl.— Lucas Jackson (@CoolHand_Lucas) November 19, 2016
@BunkiePerkins the Summer of Mallett Independence Bowl— Lucas Jackson (@CoolHand_Lucas) January 7, 2016