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Earlier this season Texas A&M hit 6-0 for the first time in decades. Houston was ranked in the top 5. Baylor was undefeated and on its way to another Big XII title. Texas was “back”.
But oh how things have changed in the Lone Star state. Every major Texas program is experiencing some sort of malaise or hardship, and none has great prospects for ending the season. They are all crying Jordan, so select a school below and see what sadventures you have to endure.
TEXAS A&M After executing the swiftest drop in CFP Committee rankings to date, you are now facing a team that held Alabama to 10 points and you will do so with an injured backup quarterback. The last time you beat this team was 1995. Good luck!
TEXAS You just lost to the Kansas Jayhawks for the first time since before Nazi Germany invaded Poland. Now you get to play TCU for a chance to save bowl eligibility and a .500 season, but not your coaches job. But as bad as you are doing on the field, your AD is getting its ass kicked in the media even worse. Good luck!
TEXAS TECH Iowa State just walloped you 66-10, a thing that is understood in the CFB world to be grounds enough alone as an isolated event to at least ponder the idea of firing your coach. If I’m ISU’s coach, I don’t recruit by lying about NFL prospects or the possibility of wining a championship. I just tell them that on any given Saturday they hold the power to completely ruin a program’s season and a coach’s career. There is something to be said for that kind of power. Anyway, good luck!
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BAYLOR Everyone accused your 6-0 record of being the result of not playing anyone decent, so you responded in the most hilarious way by ripping off a streak of four losses to decent-to-mediocre teams. But those accusations are hardly the most pressing these days. In addition to what has disgustingly become “the usual” at Baylor, now your associate director who is in charge of media communications punched a reporter. You have become an athletic program composed of human misery and disgusting impulse, and until things change I will not wish you good luck. Good luck!
TCU You are a former BCS buster now scratching out a meager living in the Big city. Just two years removed from falling one spot short of making the playoffs, you got your ass handed to you by OSU and now need a win over Texas or Kansas State just to make a bowl. Also you have benched Kenny Hill mid-game three weeks in a row but announced he will start again this week. We know that feel, bro. Good luck!
HOUSTON You have to live in Houston.
I really wanted to end that there, but there’s more. You were on top of the world, destined to make the playoffs and earn that coveted spot on the Big XII’s expansion. Then you dick-tripped into losses to Navy and SMU and fell right onto the Big XII expansion cake, which it turns out was just icing on an anvil. What’s your consolation prize? Just a half-dozen major programs licking their chops and eyeing your coach. Again. You are going to lose your head coach again, this time in very amusing fashion. Good luck!
TEXAS STATE, SMU, RICE, UTEP, UTSA, and whoever else - no one cares about you. It doesn’t matter what you do. If you were to lose every single game we would all say “of course”, but even if you were to win every single game you wouldn’t sniff the college football playoffs over a 3 loss Ohio State. You don’t matter. Good luck!