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GBH WATCHLIST Week 12: The Holgo Man

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it’s story and song time

West Virginia v Texas Photo by Chris Covatta/Getty Images

Rush

Maryland at Nebraska

11 a.m. | ESPN News

Imagine for a moment that time travel is real. Marty McFly has just landed on tomorrow after fidgeting around with electronics and nature back in 1985. (when will those kids ever learn amirite?) Imagine the sheer mystification he’d feel when encountering such phenomenons as

  • smart phones
  • the entire internet
  • $7 cups of coffee
  • president-elect Trump
  • that THIS is a gorramn CONFERENCE GAME.

These two teams belong in a Sun Bowl, not a November conference matchup. This is The Wire vs. Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman. Uniforms where an extra stripe is considered frivolous vs. an Edd Hardy-designed flag pattern stamped ‘90s-diagonal layout football space suit. Larry the Cable Guy vs. William H. Macy. Cornpone and crabcakes. College football is the weirdest incongruity of this century. The rest of it can be chalked up to a number of things: technology, the changing world, the whims of the public consciousness. We make college football this way on purpose and we love it for its weirdness and the geographical nonsensicalities that come with progress.

Welcome to B1G country.

oscarwildecat

Washington St. at Colorado

2:30pm CST | FOX

Some might say, as a cheap journalistic rhetorical question, "Oscar, aren't you just following Washington State around every week no matter what time and where they play?" Well, yes dear reader, you would be correct, and no, that's not a giant tattoo of Mike Leach I have on my forearm. It's really more of an homage.

However, the following is a brief list of things I have personally experienced in Boulder, Colorado:

  • In September of 1995, the nascent understanding of what life would be like as an A&M football fan was felt, as both A&M's top 3 ranking and Leeland McElroy's Heisman campaign were summarily torched by Slick Rick Neuheisel.
  • Late in that game, I witnessed the Boulder SWAT team descend upon the delirious Colorado student section with tear gas.
  • I was sitting in said student section.
  • In 2001, my seat was perfectly angled to slow-motion-oh-shit-here-it-comes watch Kory Mossoni come around the edge untouched, sack Mark Farris, and allow the ball to be returned for a game saving touchdown LITERALLY DIRECTLY IN FRONT OF ME.
  • In 2005, DeQawn Mobely dropped a sure touchdown pass on the 2nd play of the game. A few quarters later A&M was down 41-6, and Reggie McNeal was so distraught that he found himself dancing solo in the end zone to piped in house music during television timeouts.
  • Two years later I accompanied a friend and his parents to the Sooner-Buffs game. As the clock wound down on Colorado's upset of then #3 OU, several students noticed his 60 year-old mother's crimson sweatshirt and began screaming "FUCK YOU SOONERS" directly in her face.
  • The parents and security sitting around us thought this was hilarious and laughed loudly.
  • The next day, we were kicked out of the Avery Brewery tour for "causing a disturbance."
  • Later that night, I met a member of the Colorado downhill ski team at a bar who had just arrived from Austria. Her English was only slightly better than my German.

GO BUFFS, home to some of the best sports fans in all of the world.

Shooter

Oklahoma at West Virginia

7:00 p.m. | ABC

The Holgo Man

It’s seven o’clock on a Saturday

The mountaineer crowd shuffles in

There’s a mascot sitting next to me

Making love to his moonshine with a grin

He says "Son can you play me a memory

I’m not really sure how it goes

But it’s sad and it’s sweet and it’s from 1993

When I wore a younger man’s clothes.

La la la, di da daLa la, di da da da dum

Get us a win, you’re the Holgo Man

Get us a win tonight

Well we’re all in the mood to beat O-U

And you’ve got us feelin’ alright

Now Bob, the other coach, is a friend of mine

He lets his brother Mike coach the D

And he’s quick with a HELLOW, and he needs to mellow

But there’s someplace that he’d rather be

He says "Dana, this place is killing me"

As the smile ran away from his face"

Well I’m sure I could coach at Florida

If I could get out of this place.

"Oh La la la, di da daLa la, di da da da dum

Get us a win, you’re the Holgo Man

Get us a win tonight

Well we’re all in the mood to beat O-U

And you’ve got us feelin’ alright

It’s a pretty good crowd, for a Saturday

And a cheerleader gives me a smile

Casue she’s knows that it’s me, they’ve come here to see

To forget about life for a while

And the stadium, it sounds like a carnival

And my breath smells like Red Bull

And the couches are on fire, and they smoke like a tire

We win, and we all act a fool

Oh La la la, di da daLa la, di da da da dum

Get us a win, you’re the Holgo Man

Get us a win tonight

Well we’re all in the mood to beat O-U

And you’ve got us feelin’ alright