COMRADE PETRINKO BREAKS COVER

HYELLO, AMERICANS.

Is now time to reveal true identity. I toil many years in great secrecy to achieve glorious goals. Now Russia poised to take place among world powers in the American Football.

I first come to country in 1989. Become QB coach at Idaho. Is perfect cover because no one know if it is real thing? I enjoy to ride cycle motors in the cool mountain air. Remind me of Urals. Air is frigid and stinging and burns the skin but also taste like freedom and icy vodka. I ride much.

After that I travel. No one place too long. I secretly smile when I win Conference USA. They enjoy that back at Kremlin. Very funny in ironic way. BCS bowl just confuse them though. Like everyone else.

Very much enjoyed Arkansas. People there crazy just like back home. Always doing dares. Hold my beer while I swing off rope into river. The Woo Pig Sooie remind me of childhood lullaby my grandmother sing. I tear up sometime. Women there enjoy adventure too, just like back home. So I move on after unfortunate cycle motor incident.

Back to Louisville. City of whiskey and horses. Respectable Western vices. Have team poised to win title if can defeat Small Nicholas. Small Nicholas very fierce competitor. Do not let demeanor fool you, is very excitable man in private. We play poker once and he pull gun. But that is story for other time.

Only democratic playoff system allow Russian coach to have chance to win title. Hope you appreciate irony. If we make to Tampa final, President Putin vows to attend. Will stick around for inauguration parties probably. Great victory for all. Roll Tide? Nyet.