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Your Aggie Gameday Horoscope for 10.8.16

Your 100% Accurate Aggie Horoscope. Probably.

NCAA Football: Mississippi State at Texas A&M Soobum Im-USA TODAY Sports

Here is it is. The most popular weekly column in Good Bull Hunting history. Over ten of you check every week to find out how you should be spending your Aggie Gameday and this Saturday morning will be no different.

Today is the most important day of our lives. The stars have aligned and the moons have too, I think. I’m your Aggie Astrologist and I’m back with your weekly AGGIE HOROSCOPE for the Tennessee Game.

Cross-check the year you graduated with your definitely real and definitely not offensive “Aggie Astrological Sign” and find out the ideal way to spend your Aggie Gameday this morning. Follow it blindly.

Let’s beat the hell outta Tennessee, shall we?

Old Army: 1920-1940

  • What the hell is College Gameday? Who the hell are the Chainsmokers? All you need for Gameday are 7-10 players on the field, bleacher seats, a couple concussions and a 110 degree day. This is not football. This is playing catch in the backyard. Don’t even bother watching the game.
  • Watch out for Lee Corso because he’s probably going to come after you wearing an Ol’ Sarge mascot head. Could be fun.

Donor: 1941-1960

  • We’re back at Kyle Field this week. Take the tram from the secret steam tunnel entrance at Traditions Golf Course to the President’s Suite and you’ll be right on time for the second quarter. Perfect.
  • Beware of people who want you to yell at the game today. Why should you yell? You yelled 70 years ago, you donated money so you wouldn’t have to yell. Right? What was the whole point of the donation to the equestrian team, then?

Politics Board Poster: 1961-1980

  • Game day, baby. Let’s get ‘em while we can. Wake up early, put a dip in and go crash your son’s tailgate. Scalp a ticket and get into the game to see the last quarter and grab a chicken-fried corndog. You are accidentally at the Red River Shootout.
  • Beware of cookie fries, deep-fried jello, flaming couches, etc.

Pay Wall Payer: 1981-1983, 1985-2002

  • You’re not going to the game. Why should you? You have to be at home, on the computer, prepared to hit the send button on your two think-pieces: “Why A&M Will Never Lose Another Game” and, your personal favorite, “Fire Kevin Sumlin.” This is going to be great for your online brand either way so you’re excited.
  • Watch out for Kevin Sumlin. He knows where you live. He knows your username. He’s coming for you.

My Dad: 1984

  • Is Von Miller going to play? You’re going to the game this weekend? You’re staying with your little brother? Can you make sure he’s still enrolled in school? Thanks.
  • Beware of my little brother because I’m 95% sure that he’s not actually going to class judging by the hookah on top of his refrigerator.

The Fran Era: 2003-2007

  • Nothing can go wrong, right? There has never been a hyped game where we should win, where we need to win and then things go wrong. Never. Never ever. Nothing bad will happen.
  • Watch out for RC Slocum, list eaters and Mike Sherman.

New Army: 2017-2020

  • You went to College Gameday this morning, saw the big crowd, took a picture for Instagram and went home. It’s way too early for football.
  • Watch out for people who are actually going to the game. And, if you actually show up to the game, watch out for people who are going to make you stand and yell and follow traditions. Those people are the worst.