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Is Texas A&M a cult?

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From the outside in you can't explain it, and from the inside out you can't explain it.

Aggies performing secret hand signs to signal the followers during their rituals.
Aggies performing secret hand signs to signal the followers during their rituals.
Tim Heitman-USA TODAY Sports

Following accusations that Texas A&M has cult-like tendencies, I investigated several websites that gave clear signs you might be in a cult. Let's see how we measure:

If you want to leave, are you being told there is no other institution that practices truth?

Texas A&M is the best university and you will never do better.

Are you made to feel your failures? That your performance is not up to standard?

Yes, you two percenter.

Are you told not to question what is being taught because the leaders are honest and want the best for you so you must trust them?

Aggies do not lie, cheat or steal, nor tolerate those who do.

Are you being rebuked for things such as the way you say hello or how you respond to being asked to do something for a leader?

HOWDY DAMMIT! PASS IT BACK! UNCOVER! OFF THE WOOD! AGGIES DON’T BOO, THEY HISS!

Are they putting down other institutions and building themselves up? Do they sometimes use people as examples of what you are to be doing and others on what you are not to be doing?

Ol’ Rock the Good Ag knows that any dirty t-sip isn’t worth your spit.

Do they bring attention to what they do, and ignoring others that may be doing the same things?

Texas A&M is the number one* producer of Fortune 500 CEOs.

*Tied with Yale, Harvard and Stanford.

Are you told not to ask questions why anyone left?

We don’t talk about transfers. They are gone.

Do they put down others to make themselves look better, calling themselves righteous and others unrighteous?

Aggies are the classiest in the SEC. Everyone thinks we are so nice.

Do they recommend for you to be around their people expecting you to be at all the group activities? If not you're spirituality and dedication are questioned?

Good Ags go to Yell Practice and all other sanctioned events in accordance with Tradition.

Are you required to attend studies, going through the program before you are allowed to be a part of the group?

Fish Camp is an Aggie’s First Tradition.

Do you take orders from a leader who might be unable to effectively lead a group?

If General Reveille barks, you better dismiss class. She demands it.

Is there an instant bonding of friendship without your knowing who they really are?

If you see an Aggie Ring, you bet your butt you got a new friend.

Do they defend all that they do even though it can be harmful or wrong?

From the outside in you can’t understand it, from the inside out you can’t explain it.

Are people telling you how talented you are and saying you can really go places? Flattery goes a long way in cults.

What do you call an Aggie? ‘BOSS’ THAT’S RIGHT.

Do they stop you from reading anything negative about themselves?

That's what paywalls are for.

When you ask questions about their history or the group, are they vague in their answers or avoid answering them?

Phew. No. Thank goodness. Every Ag will chew your ear off telling you how awesome A&M’s history is.

There you have it. Texas A&M didn’t pass the cult test!

See y’all at the Illuminati Tailgate on Saturday.

Beat the Hell Outta tennessee.