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Wednesday Trendsday 3.11.15

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Reveille does not have time for this nonsense.

John Reed-USA TODAY Sports

Earlier this week white smoke was seen coming from the Kyle Field chimneys, letting the gathered masses know that a new Reveille had finally been selected. Miss Rev, Ma'am has become the standard for the graceful breed, and she carries herself with a beauty and dignity that rivals any mascot anywhere. There is no denying that Reveille IX continues the tradition of setting an even higher bar than her predecessor.

But it was not always so. As many of you know, Reveille I was a black and white mutt who was hit by a car full of Aggie Band members on their way back from Navasota. In fact, if you trace back her lineage you can see that there has been an easily calculated progression of the perfection of our beloved mascot.

And on that note, Wednesday Trendsday would like to take a look at the pros and cons of Reveille's past... and her future.

050311 WT

REVEILLE I (???? - 1944)

PRO - scrappy underdog, real lunchpail kind of mascot, like a coach on the field

CON - not fond of the bugle, kinda mangey and mongrely, swore like a sailor

REVEILLE II (1952 - 1966)

PRO - last mascot to subscribe to the concepts of genetic diversity

CON - breath like fish and Indian food left in a dumpster during a heatwave

REVEILLE III (???? - 1975)

PRO - as the first registered Collie mascot she set a trend that would eventually allow YouTube commenters to use the phrase "Collie Station"

CON - went AWOL in San Francisco in 1969 to protest the war, was dishonorably discharged

REVEILLE IV (???? - 1989)

PRO - Once took a tennis-ball sized chunk out of Bevo's calf during a game, but it was the SWC so no one saw

CON - her nose? yeah that's goin right in your crotch.

REVEILLE V (1984 - 1999)

PRO - urinated on former OU football coach Barry Switzer

CON - urinated on former president Ronald Reagan

REVEILLE VI (1993 - 2003)

PRO - Air Bud: The Golden Receiver is actually based on Rev VI's work as a slot receiver in 3rd and long situations

CON - propensity for chewing on non-regs' flannel shirts in class, actually bought the Crash Test Dummies album

REVEILLE VII (2000 - 2013)

PRO - could howl along to the Beyonce's Crazy Right Now in perfect harmony

CON - barked so frequently to get class dismissed that she failed MATH 152

REVEILLE VIII (born in 1999)

PRO - didn't bite Lee Corso during live ESPN Gameday broadcast despite every canine and human instinct

CON - listed on depth chart at 68 lbs, but 20 of that was hair

REVEILLE IX (born in 2013)

PRO - can sing the first verse of Sarah McLachlan's In The Arms Of An Angel

CON - kinda looks like Sarah McLachlan

REVEILLE Mk. X (construction scheduled to begin 2019)

PRO - superhuman strength, titanium alloy body, depleted uranium ammunition, all of which will be vital in the battle against MechaFran

CON - still would look tougher as a mutt