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Are people filling your Twitter timeline with gibberish chatter at random times? An English Premier League thing is probably happening. The English Premier League is like the NFL, but with scarves and unyielding smugness. If you're reading this, you're probably American and thus have no ties whatsoever to these red coat clubs. Take heart! These are the GBH-approved EPL clubs that you can root for:
Filchinhamptonshire United Crusading Knights
Horseborough Downs Tipplers
Marks and Spencer Trolleys
Middleham Earls of Sandwich
St. Hadrian's Masons
Feversham Tumblers
St. Pancras Merchantmen
Whipplefield-upon-Shamley Shirtminders
Chalk Farm Chalk Farmers
Salisbury Stakes
Windthornton Wainwrights
Tetley Teakettles
Abergavenny Cockney Taints
Barking Codswallops
Bexhill-on-Sea Knackered Tooths
Bishop Mick Damp Squibs
Conwytowne Rubbish
Chepstow Jammies
Clamtoe Knobs
Caerleonham Hedgehobs
Haverfordwest Polish Swirly
Hay-on-Wye Persnickety Brass Monkeys
Holyhead Wry Coitus
HornyQueen Charlies
Jacksonville Jaguars
Llantwit Major
Loony Toon Bloody Poofs
Mold Bollocks
Mossteef Cock Cheese
Pembrokeshire Plonkers
Olde Rhymney Mayonnaise
Saltney Wank Saints
St. Peniston Beans
Vaginawich Noles
St. Giblets-upon-Ham
Wrexhamster Anal Spur
West Dibley Chambermaids
St. Dudley-on-Piddleston
Greenwich Chutneyfarts
Quibly Racists
Wexhamshire Frolickers
Vanlandingham Auctioneers
Castleberry Crunch
Skivvy Pompous Wondermen
Falcon Hill Pugilists
The Who
Shipley Flatmates