THE TAILGATE: A Graphical Preview of Texas A&M vs Louisville

CAST OF CHARACTERS

Kenny "Trill" Hill

QB1: This junior's well on his way to becoming one of the more prolific record holders in Aggie signal-calling lore. And what a great and dedicated mentor he's been to the two superstars backing him up. Just an all-around consistent and stand-up guy. We're lucky to finally have a seasoned upperclassman leading the offense.

Kyle "Talon" Allen

QB2: They say the middle child is actually going to be the best team player. He's battled through a couple of minor well-documented injuries, but look for him to have another breakout post-season performance after his bowl game MVP showing last year. He loves playing in the State of Tennessee, so good thing this Arizona boy is in the SEC to stay.

Kyler Football

QB3: He's the youngest of the gunslinging trio, but you wouldn't know it by the maturity he displays on and off the field. The consummate team player is humble and grounded and doesn't mind sharing the spotlight one bit. He may be limited to situational packages, but he'll make the most of it and quietly go about his business.

Lamar Jackson

QB: The freshman signal caller was just one of a few to share duties under center, but he led the team in passing and rushing. He's mostly used in run/pass option situations, the hallmark of Bobby Petrino's offense

Trumaine Washington

CB: Led the team with four picks, including one returned for a touchdown. Should be interesting to see who he's assigned to cover between Speedy and Kirk. Oh. Scratch that. Maybe Reynolds. Who knows? Oops, delay of game, offense.

Devonte Fields

LB: One other thing we have in common with Louisville apart from being in the Music City Bowl: TCU transfers at linebacker. Theirs has been pretty productive: 19 tackles for loss this year and ten QB hurries. Too bad he's got to go up against such a mauling offensive line and a trio of fleet-footed quarterbacks.

The Edge... there is no honest way to explain it because the only people who really know where it is are the ones who have gone over.

--Louisville native Hunter S. Thompson

Football season. Four foul months of empty hope and stale promises; a faltering beast plowing through a river flooded with our worst fears and washed over with ridicule and pain. It started out innocently enough: that bright and wondrous evening in the fetid asphalt bayous of Houston. Even the memories of South Carolina couldn't dampen that high: it was defense, and freshmen playmakers on offense. "Totally different from 2014" we said, and believed it, and crammed another link of football sausage into our maws.

Roll through September and the hollow non-cons, then another OT win over the vicious and heavy-breathing Pigs, drooling lava all over our confidence until another Freak Sumlin Comeback ensures the win. Then October. Oh, October, you cruel bitch. The meat of that month rotted the flesh on our bones and smothered our dreams with chloroform and ether: swimming in the delirium of confusion and the damned. Nowhere to go but up until we went further down instead.

Now November and the weeping finish. The once-proud offense impotent against LSU, who remains on that tier above, stepping on our fingers with hobnailed go-go boots each time we attempt to climb up. All that's left is the December Redemption once again: find a new hero on offense and try to erase the frantic, sweaty nightmares of the past few months with the memories of one cool and unmarked Tennessee day.

Buy the ticket, take the ride.

WHAT TO WATCH FOR

SIX DEGREES OF BURNT ORANGE NATION

The Fightin’ Texas Aggies are playing (1) Louisville, a school formerly coached by (2) Howard Schnellenberger who left to coach a flagship program, the (3) Oklahoma Sooners. OU was once also coached by (4) Barry Switzer, estranged father of (5) James Gardner, who is a founder, editor, and OG at the greatest website of all time (6) Good Bull Hunting.

RALLY/CRY

The Aggies opened as a 2 point favorite over the Cardinals before a series of unfortunate events swung the spread decidedly in Louisville’s favor. Just like in the movies, look for the good guys to embrace their underdog status and rally around the unlikely, scrappy hero figures of Jake Hubenak and backup QBs Connor McQueen, Christian Kirk, and Mike Matthews.

Alternatively, look for a confused, disorganized team with thousands of distractions to get their teeth kicked in by a focused ACC team flying under the radar. Could go either way, really.

DRINKING GAMES

Turn this bowl into a grim, Aggie-themed "Hi Bob." Drink* every time the broadcast shows Kyle Allen. Or Kyler Murray. Or someone says the word "transfer". Or the word "disappointing". Or Jake Spavital’s job security is discussed. Or you question every decision you have made in your life that has led to your mental health relying on the decisions of coaches and actions of teenagers miles away playing a game.

*Good Bull Hunting does not advocate, encourage, or condone binge drinking. These statements are made in jest and should be treated as such. Never emulate bloggers as a life rule. Consider turning off your phone or computer and going outside where there are trees and sky and happiness. At the very least never go on Facebook.

ELSEWHERE IN THE SEC

#20 LSU VS. TEXAS TECH

An offense led by Kliff Kingsbury goes up against a rushing attack featuring Leonard Fournette in the First Annual Bowl Of Things I Wish I Had.

AUBURN VS. MEMPHIS

Nothing says "early lunch Wednesday" like an 11 AM matchup between a Todd Graham disciple and a team that actually misses Will Muschamp.

NC STATE VS. MISSISSIPPI STATE

"belk" is the noise you make when you wake up with acid reflux or try to change the channel to this game.

#3 MICHIGAN STATE VS. #2 ALABAMA

What happens when an immovable object meets another immovable object and christ will someone please at least kick the ball the game started twenty minutes ago.

#13 NORTHWESTERN VS. #23 TENNESSEE

It doesn't matter what I write here because you can't stop thinking about the rankings of these two teams and how you thought this was our year.

#14 MICHIGAN VS. #19 FLORIDA

B1G football and the best offense the SEC East has to offer will get your system pretty backed up, but BWW should clear you out again and right quick.

#16 OKLAHOMA STATE VS. #12 OLE MISS

Two exciting teams that should make for a great New Year's Day match. It's a difficult pick, but in an event held in New Orleans the advantage is with the Rebels since the Oxford municipal water supply has bourbon in it

PENN STATE VS. GEORGIA

Witness a holiday classic come to life as Georgia learns the true meaning of Christmas after a visit from the Ghost Of Lost Coach Future.

KANSAS STATE VS. ARKANSAS

The Memphis fairgrounds is an appropriate location for this game that should honestly be played in a steel scrapyard surrounded by flames and cars with their headlights on.

HOT REELZ