Ohio State at Illinois
11 AM | ABC
"The winning team in the Ohio State-Illinois football game receives this wooden turtle, named the Illibuck."
As B1G trophies go, this is the one you're most likely to find in a rummage sale in twenty years next to a wrought-iron patio set and a 2001 Sugar Bowl t-shirt. The only two times Illinois has won this game in this century, they've gone to a BCS bowl. This is your reminder that Illinois went to twice as many BCS bowls as Texas A&M. Happy Friday.
Illinois this season has managed to squeak by Middle Tennessee State by two points, lose respectably to undefeated Iowa by 9 points, get shitcanned by Penn State 39-0, and out-Nebraska Nebraska 14-13. They're one of the more unpredictable teams of 2015 and when you throw in a few key ingredients (no coach, players who may have been playing with lacerated spleens this whole time, an Ohio State team that seems intent on sleepwalking through November), then baby, you got a stew goin'. Don't expect the upset, but also don't be surprised to see a couple archival clips of the RONS late in the third quarter if Illinois has kept it close: Turner and Zook strutting up and down the sidelines in their crumpled windbreakers looking like sharp coaches in their 2001 and 2007 wins over Ohio State, striking poses that make you wonder if they ever turned that program around.
The answer is no: that's as good as it got. A win this year gets Illinois bowl-eligible, and that's something for a school that's fired their football coach and AD in the same season.
#21 MEMPHIS at #24 HOUSTON
6 PM | ESPN2
There are as many AAC teams in the CFB Playoff rankings as there are SEC teams.
If you can read this sentence then you must not have read the previous sentence because you still have a functioning frontal lobe. Please start over. I'll wait.
The Memphis Tigers are leading the AAC revolution after stealing local rival Ole Miss's lunch money earlier this season. They sit at #21 after their only loss this season at the hands of - well would you look at that - #20 ranked AAC conference-mate Navy. Houston sits at #24 despite being undefeated because THEY AIN'T PLAYED NOBODY 'cept when they blanked SEC opponent Vanderbilt. This will be the Coogs' first top 25 matchup of the season.
Watch this game to watch the future of college football. When this season's coaching carousel begins, these two men got passes to cut straight to the front of the line. UH's Tom Herman spent his early career shattering every offensive record at every small school in Texas and even making Iowa State look decent before being called up to the majors by Urban Meyer. You might remember Herman from winning the national championship last year with his eighth-string quarterback.
Memphis' Justin Fuente co-OC'd TCU to a Rose Bowl victory over Wisconsin. He then turned Memphis into a conference powerhouse. Justin Fuente is here to declutter your garage full of old paint cans and Betamax tapes of All My Children. Not only was he able to turn it into a totally sweet art studio, but he found a collection of manuscripts from Hemingway's little known "Boone's Farm" era that are worth a fortune.
Oregon at Stanford
6:30 PM | FOX
This should be a better game than it appears on paper. The
Adams College Atoms Stanford Cardinals and Tri Lambs Ducks have split the last four meetings, with each stealing a game on the other's home turf. Look for senior QB Stan Gable to try and get the run game going behind his all conference center Frederick Palowaski aka The Ogre, You Asshole.
Oregon is led by QB transfer Arnold Pointdexter who has been known to bust out some spectacular moves. And while the Ducks defense has struggled at times, don't overlook star linebackers Dudley "Booger" Dawson and Toshiro Takashi. Just watch this game cause it's Pac-12 and we all know by now the Pac-12 likes to get wacky.
On a more serious note, where does Revenge of the Nerds rank on the all time college comedies list? Second only to Animal House? Could you make a case that its actually better than Animal House?!?! It came out in 1984 which means I probably saw it when I was 10 or 11 on cable, and it warped my view of college for the next 7-8 years of my life. I got to A&M thinking it would be nothing but panty raids, pranks, beer fests, and wacky drinking games. Which, when I look back at my freshman year, I guess I wasn't that far off to be honest. Tell us in the comments where you think Revenge of the Nerds ranks on the all time college comedy list.