The national media spent the last week fervently coming up with ways to make fun of Texas A&M and new QB Kenny Hill for getting blown out by South Carolina. Unfortunately, we were deprived of all of this wit because Kenny Hill was just unbelievable on Thursday night. Our investigative team scoured dumpsters, empty offices, and our imaginations to find out what the media had ready to go.
IF SHUT OUT: Kenny Nil
IF IMMOBILE: Kenny Still
IF SCRAMBLING FOR LIFE: Benny Hill
IF VOMITS: Kenny Spill OR Kenny Ill
IF BAD IN GENERAL: Kenny Hill of Beans OR Kenny Krill (ed. note: bottom of food chain)
IF HE WEARS UNIFORM BUT DOESN'T PLAY: E. King Hill
IF GOOD START GOES BAD: Kenny Wilt* (ed. note: near-rhyme)
IF DISAPPEARS IN SECOND HALF: Kennay Kekua
IF ACCIDENTALLY KILLS PUPPY BY LOVING IT TOO MUCH: Lenny Hill
IF ARM IS WEAK: Tim Tebow
POSTGAME HEADLINE: Oh my god, they killed Kenny!