YOU HAVE JOINED THE SEC TELECONFERENCE. All 14 head football coaches jumped on a conference call yesterday and fielded questions from journo lackeys. In true POWER MOVE fashion, each coach pantomimed wanking motions while the others spoke. Hilarity ensued. Anyway, Sumlin talked Kyle Field and Kyle Allen and other stuff like scheduling. You can listen to all 14 coaches here if you have problems like me.
COMMITTEES. PANELS. RANKINGS. EGOS. What could possibly go wrong? College football is really trying, you guys. They want to be equitable (without paying the labor force). They want to explore this NEW AGE idea of a traditional playoff to determine its annual winner. I suppose the best way to do that is to stroke the egos of old rich dudes and let them rank order who they think are the best teams. Kind of like a Buzzfeed listicle with all of the inanity but with actual ramifications. Here are your parameters, College Football Playoff Committee. Show your work.
CALL THE NATIONAL GUARD. WE GOT WAFFLES. Our love/hate/diabetes relationship with the culinary wizards at Waffle House just got more intimate. They sent us a care package! XOXO WAFFLES! Also included in the link: deets for the #GBHMeetup on Saturday. Last time, there were Fireballs and ambulances. This time look for batter, octobongs, and total defiance of the CSPD.
THE FUNNIEST BASTARD IN COLLEGE FOOTBALL HAS COME OUT OF THE BLOG CLOSET. Sometimes I worry that I like @celebrityhottub talking about college football more than I like actual college football. Ryan Nanni AKA Sir Broosk AKA @celebrityhottub seems to have achieved the American dream of 1. becoming a lawyer 2. hating life and self 3. ditching law and pseudonyms and being a shiny snowflake in the college football blogosphere. RELATED: we have a legal counselor that is somewhere in this dream's life cycle.
Happy May Day you damn animals. Live like there is no off season.