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Barry Switzer breaks down the 2014 QB draft class

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As only Barry Switzer can. "Blake Bortles? All hat and no cattle. Son, anyone who hangs his hat on beating Baylor ain't gonna get invited to the dance."

Matthew Emmons-US PRESSWIRE

We learned recently exactly what Switzer thinks of Johnny Manziel, namely that he's an "arrogant little prick." Here's a list of some other QBs entering the draft with some speculation on what he might think of each player.

  • Teddy Bridgewater "noodle-armed broomstick"
  • Blake Bortles "unibrowed sperm waffle"
  • Derek Carr "JV version of that shitbag who played in Houston"
  • Jimmy Garoppolo "I hated her in Dogma."
  • A.J. McCarron: "tattooed-ass pansy"
  • Zach Mettenberger: "pedo-stache'd dork"
  • Aaron Murray "I thought it was spelled E-R-I-N."
  • David Fales "yes, he does."
  • Brett Smith "everything in Wyoming blows"
  • Connor Shaw "bald-headed gimp"
  • Tom Savage "was that the dumb brother from Wonder Years?"
  • Tajh Boyd "sounds like a goddamn casino; I like it."
  • Logan Thomas "time was, you could buy a kid like this and run the 'bone to your heart's content"
  • Keith Wenning "the fella who played at Balls Taint?"
  • Jeff Mathews "I'm not allowed on Ivy League campuses. Can't say I blame 'em."
  • Stephen Morris "I miss the bidding wars with Miami for top talent - quarterbacks and trim."
  • Garrett Gilbert [coughing/choking/laughter]
  • Dustin Vaughan "a pipeline in West Texas can cover up a lot of life's 'snafus'"
  • Chase Rettig "never met a Chase that didn't smell of pussy and pomade."
  • Bryn Renner "is that a fucking sorority or something?"
  • Casey Pachall "good kid"
  • Keith Price "not worth the price of admission in 1980's dollars"
  • Brendon Kay "who the fuck is that?"
  • Jordan Lynch "always check for the Adam's apple on anyone named Jordan. Don't ask me how I know."