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Barry Switzer breaks down the 2014 QB draft class

As only Barry Switzer can. "Blake Bortles? All hat and no cattle. Son, anyone who hangs his hat on beating Baylor ain't gonna get invited to the dance."

Matthew Emmons-US PRESSWIRE

We learned recently exactly what Switzer thinks of Johnny Manziel, namely that he's an "arrogant little prick." Here's a list of some other QBs entering the draft with some speculation on what he might think of each player.

  • Teddy Bridgewater "noodle-armed broomstick"
  • Blake Bortles "unibrowed sperm waffle"
  • Derek Carr "JV version of that shitbag who played in Houston"
  • Jimmy Garoppolo "I hated her in Dogma."
  • A.J. McCarron: "tattooed-ass pansy"
  • Zach Mettenberger: "pedo-stache'd dork"
  • Aaron Murray "I thought it was spelled E-R-I-N."
  • David Fales "yes, he does."
  • Brett Smith "everything in Wyoming blows"
  • Connor Shaw "bald-headed gimp"
  • Tom Savage "was that the dumb brother from Wonder Years?"
  • Tajh Boyd "sounds like a goddamn casino; I like it."
  • Logan Thomas "time was, you could buy a kid like this and run the 'bone to your heart's content"
  • Keith Wenning "the fella who played at Balls Taint?"
  • Jeff Mathews "I'm not allowed on Ivy League campuses. Can't say I blame 'em."
  • Stephen Morris "I miss the bidding wars with Miami for top talent - quarterbacks and trim."
  • Garrett Gilbert [coughing/choking/laughter]
  • Dustin Vaughan "a pipeline in West Texas can cover up a lot of life's 'snafus'"
  • Chase Rettig "never met a Chase that didn't smell of pussy and pomade."
  • Bryn Renner "is that a fucking sorority or something?"
  • Casey Pachall "good kid"
  • Keith Price "not worth the price of admission in 1980's dollars"
  • Brendon Kay "who the fuck is that?"
  • Jordan Lynch "always check for the Adam's apple on anyone named Jordan. Don't ask me how I know."