THIS TIME IT'S AT THE HATE BARN
Last Saturday was a pretty damn good night for the state of Mississippi. I'm pretty sure that next July, we're going to see quite the population bump happen in the 20th state. How many Rebel/Dog couples do you think felt that special blend of magic hit the air after the biggest football weekend in the state's history? Out of these, how many of their spawn shall be granted the name "DaxBo?" If it's not 100%, then our loss last weekend was just that. A total loss.
But this is a new week. We leave last week behind with its shiny uniforms, early kickoff, dropped passes, turnovers, dropped passes, weird run schemes, no offensive rhythm, missed tackles, blown coverage, dropped passes, and overall suckiness. We're leaving that behind right now. Because we're over it. The SEC West is a really tough place to play, and sometimes things just happen. We're over it.
Do you want to know why we're over it? Sorry, String, but we're over it because THIS IS A HOME GAME UNDER THE LIGHTS AGAINST A TOP 10 TEAM! THIS IS A REDEMPTION GAME! THIS IS WHEN THE FIGHTIN TEXAS AGGIES TAKE A GOOD, LONG LOOK IN THE MIRROR AND SAY, "YOU KNOW WHAT, REST OF THE SCHEDULE? I DON'T GIVE A SHIT IF YOU'RE TOUGH! I DON'T GIVE ONE SINGLE, EARTHWORM SHIT!"
WE'RE GOING TO PUT OVER 106,000 PISSED OFF MEMBERS OF THE 12TH MAN IN THE STANDS, STAND UP, AND YELL OUR ASSES OFF! IT'S NOT ABOUT WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU GET KNOCKED DOWN, IT'S ABOUT GETTING BACK UP AGAIN AND FINISHING THAT CLICHE BECAUSE I'M TRYING TO BE MOTIVATIONAL!
ABSURD GAME PREDICTION
GUESS WHAT I'M STILL IN ALL CAPS! THERE WILL BE NO STORY TODAY, I'M JUST GOING TO TELL Y'ALL WHAT THE EFF IS GOING TO HAPPEN ON SATURDAY, AND YOU'RE GOING TO SPEND THE REST OF YOUR WEEK DRAWING SERIOUSLY. METAL. SHIT. ALL OVER YOUR COMP BOOK, LEGAL PAD, OR WHITEBOARD.
THE AGGIES WIN THE TOSS AND ELECT TO RECEIVE. SPEEDY NOIL, RIDING A 6 DAY ANGER BENDER AND AN EMPTY TANK OF EFFS, CATCHES THE KICKOFF DEEP IN HIS OWN END ZONE AND DECIDES TO RETURN THE BALL 107 YARDS TO SENDER.
THE AGGIES, NOW HARDENED BY THE FIRE OF A LOSS, PROCEED TO PLAY THE SHARPEST, MOST AGGRESSIVE, PUNISHINGLY FAST AND BRUTAL GAME OF FOOTBALL WE'VE SEEN FROM SUMLIN'S TEAM. PASSES ARE CAUGHT. BLOCKS ARE MADE. TACKLES ARE BONE-CRUSHING.
SUMLIN LEAVES 5-1 AGAINST MISSISSIPPI IN THE SEC.
BO KNOWS HAIR
Ole Miss quarterback Bo Wallace
is was widely known for having the best hair in the SEC, but he seems to be trying to break out of his Tim Riggins-inspired rut. Here are a few other famous hairstyles he ought to try out.
CAST OF CHARACTERS
BY DR. NORRIS CAMACHO
K: This game last year is when Josh became an Aggie household name by becoming the first field goal kicker to win a game since the Grover Cleveland administration. A missed extra point nearly crushed Ole Miss' dreams last week, so having a Lambo ready to go in the sidelines is a nice luxury.
TE: OK, he seems to be healthy, right? Is this the game where we finally work in our super-secret weapon everyone's been talking about for two seasons? Ranger thinks it may be possible, and he's pretty football-smart. He's only got half a season left as an Aggie, so I say make the most of it, coaches.
DE: He's been a little under the radar for the last couple of weeks, but this week he has a chance to step up on the biggest of big stages. Myles and Shaan will get pressure, but having a third guy constantly making housecalls to the pocket would be invaluable to our cause. Dr. Bo can't operate under pressure.
Clean-Cut QB: After a rugged sabbatical, the doctor was in last week in the second half of the Alabama game, proving that he is not a Samson figure, though the myth continues to take on Biblical proportions. Look for high praise from Gary Danielson to be his ultimate undoing (that's the jawbone of an ass, in case you forgot your Sunday Schoolin'.)
S: Safety First! If Bo is Dr. Feelgood (H/T Shooter!), then Trae definitely Kickstarts The Heart of this defense. It's a motley crew they're gonna have out there lining up across from the Aggie O. Spav will need to mix up the playcalling and take a walk on the Wild Side.
Grown Man LB: No really, he's been around forever, so he's kinda old. He was one of Houston Nutt's early commits (along with 2,594 others, amirite?) and missed a couple of seasons due to injury but is now wearing #38 for the Rebels for the second year, which is pretty special. Second-leading tackler on the team.
WHAT TO WATCH FOR
Ole Miss likes to keep the "foot" in football. Between some PAT problems, a kickoff specialist getting ejected for fighting, and a safety doing a little kicking of his own, make sure to keep an eye on the lower appendages of the Rebels.
BOLD PREDICTION: Ole Miss will attempt a surprise onside kick to start the second half, but will fail to recover because it's impossible to kick accurately or gain any traction wearing boat shoes.
12th Man Towels
With the south end zone now closed in there is nowhere for the enemy to lay their gaze and escape their terrible, mesmerizing power. The 12th Man Towel has been a tradition at A&M for longer than most other institutions, though some took it to strange new levels. Bring one for yourself, one for a friend, and bring an extra one to launch into the air in triumph. Just whatever you do, don't forget to bring a towel!
After the wild events in college football last weekend it is no surprise that the Ole Miss game sold out in a hurry. That means that on Saturday night a few lucky 106,000+ of you will have the opportunity to potentially be a part of the largest football crowd in the history of
Texas A&M college football in Texas THE ENTIRE STATE OF TEXAS EVER. This is the #3 ranked team in the country and our team needs your help.
Let’s let those boys from Oxford witness the power of this fully armed and operational Hate Barn.
ELSEWHERE IN THE SEC
#2 AUBURN @ #3 MISSISSIPPI STATE
No, you read that correctly. As a result of probably some artifact of the Mississippi public school system there are two teams ranked #3 and they are both in Mississippi. You’d think with all those sixth fingers they have that… you know what never mind. This weekend the fightin’ clangas will host not only the Auburn Tigers, but also their first College Gameday ever. After the great Kenny Chesney debacle and Ole Miss’s… expert… people are already speculating about who will be invited to be the guest picker for MSU. My money was on Conway Twitty, but sources are confirming that he has been dead for 21 years. In that case you need to bring honor back to the position, MSU, and invite the greatest Mississippi native of all time.
#13 GEORGIA @ #23 MISSOURI
A&M had a grand win against South Carolina once, but when a derelict has been beaten up enough times there’s no honor in claiming that you were the first to do it. Florida remains hilariously hapless turtle somehow making its way across the SEC highway. Tennessee, Vandy, and Kentucky all continue to push their rocks up the hill to varying degrees of failure. So basically this is the SEC East Championship Game. Watch it, because even the dude whose face melted at least initially thought that looking into the Ark Of The Covenant was a good idea.
#GBHTAILGATE - IN REAL LIFE
BY GOOD BULL HUNTING STAFF
We are hosting a big ol' GBH tailgate this Saturday with all the fixins and you're invited. Things will start picking up around 4:00 but stop by whenever, y'all. Be sure to RSVP on Facebook so we can see who's coming to the event. We'll have free BBQ, beer, and whiskey but it's bring your own chandelier.
Please help us thank our generous sponsors and donors by visiting their websites and following them on social media. If you're not already a fan of these brands, you will be after Saturday.
Tailgate Troubadours Website | Twitter | Facebook
Taylored Ideas Website | Twitter | Facebook
Cake Junkie Website | Twitter | Facebook
Buck Trader Website | Twitter | Facebook
BCS Vacation Homes Website | Twitter | Facebook
Homestead Natural Pork Website | Twitter | Facebook
Smitty K's Website | Twitter | Facebook
Brazos Valley Brewing Website | Twitter | Facebook
Southern Star Brewing Website | Twitter | Facebook
New Republic Brewing Website | Twitter | Facebook
COLDCOCK Whiskey Website | Twitter | Facebook
Rio Brazos Distillery Website | Twitter | Facebook
Two Funny Girls Website | Twitter | Facebook
We'll share the exact location and other details on Friday but here is a map of where we expect to be.
LET'S HAVE A STATGASM
BY FLETCHER MASSIE
WHAT TO WEAR
PRESENTED BY AGGIELAND OUTFITTERS
Flow Like the Mississippi
I’d like to start off by apologizing to Aggieland Outfitters for the section title this week. When I saw the nifty motion graphics on this Under Armour "Compete" polo, I thought flowing like the Mississippi was pretty cool imagery. Now I can’t get away from thinking of a Flomax tagline. That reminds me, let’s stay mostly in control of our bladders and other faculties this Saturday as we tailgate for Ole Miss.
Either way, I promise you’ll feel lighter on your feet in this polo as you glide back and forth between the Aggieland Outfitters and GBH tailgates. Be sure to follow AO on Twitter because they also run great away game tailgating events for #AOroadtrip. Now let’s show those preppies from Ole Miss what Aggieland is all about. That sounded more intimidating in my head... Flow like Bo Wallace’s mane?
Text GOODBULL to 55000 on 10/8 for a chance to win a compete polo from Aggieland Outfitters.
Thanks to this week's artists @BigOldHoneyBear, @aggiebrett, @MaybeACrook, @whoopy07, @kujo30, @spreadsheetag, @rcb05, Shooter Flatch, @ianrock, and @Kellie_Lynn2013.
BEST CASE / WORST CASE
EVERYTHING I SAID UP THERE HAPPENS, BUT I ALSO GET A PRIVATE FLIGHT OUT OF DALLAS AFTER THE MID-DAY WEDDING I'M ATTENDING ENDS SO I CAN MAKE KICKOFF AND YELL SO HARD THAT I PUKE UP MY SHOES!
Ole Miss doesn't have a hangover and the Aggies were exposed to a greater degree than we thought last week. Bo Wallace looks like a Heisman contender and also develops the power to control the length of his hair with only his mind. Myles Garrett realizes that he hates football and decides to write poetry instead.
Our uniforms got a little too icy last week, we need some anti-(Hugh)Freeze. #GBHTailgate
Ended up pulling first deck because that’s prime goalpost-tearing-down territory. #GBHTailgate
Ole Miss: When A&M wins games we don't tear down goal posts, we carry men in white suits and dump them in water. WAY BETTER #GBHTailgate
They may have Archie and Eli, but we will be 12th Manning so much harder than Ole Miss on Saturday. #GBHTailgate
Bo No Go, but dat hair Tho! #GBHTailgate
Aggies don't lie cheat or steal right? So I hope don't nobody steal my unlocked bike lol
There is no truth to reports that Texas A&M will join the SEC in the spring of 2012. None.