Super secret features of the new Kyle Field

Tuesday, Aug. 6, is the first day that A&M season ticket holders can select their seating options for the redeveloped Kyle Field, the 102,500-seat behemoth that will open in 2015. If you're selecting your seat location today, congratulations (and can we borrow some money?).

But before you select your seats, take a look at these 12 (of course there are 12) super secret features of the new stadium that we've uncovered. We can't name our sources, but we promise they're at least as reliable as the ones Darren Rovell is citing in Johnny Manziel's autograph scandal.

Perhaps the most visible feature of the new Kyle Field will be the color-changing brick facade. Brown brick? beige brick? red brick? All options thanks to this revolutionary product, made to adapt to any and all campus master plan changes.

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For the discerning tailgater, there will be no destination better than Spence Park. It's always been a great spot for a beer and a brat, but the new Aggie-engineered floating islands create a premium space that will surely become the most iconic tailgating scene in college football.

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Have you ever gotten to Kyle Field only to realize you need to walk all the way around to enter the other side of the stadium? Well that aggravation is a thing of the past thanks to the Texas Aggie Lazy River. It even has a 120-foot waterfall (suck it Bama).

<br/>And floating through the water feature provides an added challenge for adventure seekers.

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Make sure to get to your seats early, as you won't want to miss Sumlin and co.'s entrance via jetpack.

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Once you get to your seats, it will be hard not to notice the field, as millions of LCD diodes will be implanted into the grass, allowing the entire field to be turned into college football's largest video board.

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That video screen, while awesome, will also make the field very delicate. That's why each member of the Fightin' Texas Aggie Band will be equipped with their own hoverboard. I can't wait to see the four-way glidethrough!

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But the amazing work going into our playing field doesn't stop at the surface. Take a look at this cut-away image showing the many layers that will make up the finest playing surface in the country. Click here for the full-size version.

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If seeing those Twinkies made you hungry, you'll love some of the upgraded concession options available at the new Kyle Field. The most notable is their take on the classic stadium nachos, served in an replica Kyle Field tub.

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And wash those nachos down with a delicious 12th Mangarita!

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Now that you're four-deep on those 12th Mangaritas, I bet you've gotta go to the bathroom. Well if you're one of the big money Ags who bought a Founders Suite, you're in luck. Every seat is equipped with its own urinal so that you never have to miss a moment of action. You can also piss on the bevel, if that's your thing.

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If it's a 6 p.m. kickoff, make sure to stick around after the game, when Kyle Field turns into the world's largest rave.

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But the most impresive aspect of the new Kyle Field is something that's already there, and something none of us will ever see. Deep underground, a state-of-the-art Compliance Command Center tracks Johnny Manziel's every move. I know it looks like Jack Bauer, but I promise that's @TAMUcompliance with the gun, kevlar and black helmet.