Texas Aggie Football ranked #6 in Preseason Coaches Poll

Well hello there, August. As entertaining as the offseason o’ Johnny has been, we are a mere four weeks away from Actual College Football Played on a Field, and damn straight you had better stay up past midnight Thursday the 29^th to watch Lane Kiffin attempt to backdoor cover a 19-point spread, not that I have a problem or anything.

The USA Today Coaches Poll is out, and despite the knowledge that a bunch of hungover SID’s were no doubt texting each other yesterday morning (“did u watch any games last year?” “nope, u? also, les gets really pissed if I put ohio st. in the top 10 lol.”), it still marks the advent of football season. All that is right and holy with the world. Let’s take a gander at where a bunch of disinterested coaches and graduate assistants think the teams line up heading into the 2013 season.

1. Alabama

Last I checked, this spot should probably be reserved for a program coming off an undefeated season, and not one with such poor fashion sense and team discipline issues.

2. Ohio St.

The age-old preseason poll question: is this a current power ranking or is this where the team is most likely to finish? In the Buckeye’s case, it’s hard to know if voters think the team is really this strong – or is it the realization that most coed powderpuff teams would actually increase their strength of schedule? Either way, Urban Meyer has the team focused and ready.

3. Oregon.

Still too jealous of Mark Helfrich’s office to speak about this rationally.

4. Stanford

If you haven’t seen David Shaw’s TED talk, go watch it. Seriously.

5. Georgia

They will lose to South Carolina and LSU early, there will be calls for Mark Richt’s head, and then they will finish 11-2. Rinse, repeat.

6. Texas A&M

Notching their highest preseason ranking since 1995, the Ags come in one spot below the informal GBH Twitter poll ranking of #5. A great coaching staff, favorable schedule, and a certain freaknastyalien at quarterback have expectation levels in College Station through the proverbial roof. The coaches clearly are buying into the hype, and all that seems to stand between the Ags and Pasadena is a little team from Tuscaloosa, a little place called Death Valley, and every bar in the Southeastern United States.

7. South Carolina

Why not.

8. Clemson

Hard to imagine this guy dropping a game he shouldn’t, but it just might happen.

9. Louisville

Pizza.

10. Florida

That appendectomy certainly can’t make Jeff Driskell any worse, right?

11. Notre Dame

I’m not saying aesthetic comparison is the healthiest of human traits, but take a long look at the Irish side, then wander over to the Arizona State side of Cowboys Stadium on October 5th, and realize why you go to school in the south kids.

12. Florida State

Sure.

13. LSU

That’s a horrific schedule but an insanely talented roster. Zach Mettenberger and Gary Crowton will most likely combine to score 41 points at Florida, and 6 against Furman.

14. Oklahoma State

Hey look, a Big 12 team with a really good offense and suspect defense!

15. Texas

HAHAHA. No, seriously, they should be improved with all those starters back and stuff. [Watches TX-OU highlights again.] [Falls to floor laughing.]

16. Oklahoma

On the plus side, Bob Stoops’ program has been a paragon of consistency over the past decade. On the minus side, he hired his totally insane brother to run the defense, his starting quarterback weighs 263 pounds and can’t throw, and he was last seen getting violently pantsed in the Cotton Bowl. So good luck Sooner fans!

17. Michigan

From what I understand, Devin Gardner is what Denard Robinson was supposed to be. I think. I’m usually hurting pretty bad during those early Big 10 games.

18. Nebraska

This might be too low. As Taylor Martinez wrote on his very own Wikipedia page “Martinez has already broken many QB records at Nebraska and heads into the 2013 season as one of the top dual threat QBs in the country. Many sports analysts believe that if he continues to work with Steve Calhoun to improve his passing game in the offseason, he could easily be a Heisman trophy candidate in 2013 barring injury”

19. Boise State

Uh-huh.

20. TCU

Hey look, a Big 12 team with, um, a pretty good defense and suspect offense? That’s weird.

21. UCLA

Brett Hundley looked pretty damn salty at times last year. He also threw some of the most ill-advised passes I’ve ever seen a quarterback throw above the YMCA level, and with a month to prepare, the mighty 119^th ranked pass defense of Baylor pretty much shut him down. Tread lightly Bruins.

22. Northwestern

Yay, 11:00am ESPN games with female commentators!

23. Wisconsin

I would like to reserve a seat on the Gary Anderson bandwagon early. Up front if possible. Thanks.

24. USC

Just cover, baby.

25. Oregon State

Huge offseason for Mike Riley. Really big things expected in Corvallis.

Here's a fancied up version of the complete USA Today Preseason Coaches' Poll for 2013.

RANK	TEAM	RECORD	POINTS	PREVIOUS RANK
1	Alabama (58)	13-1	1545	1
2	Ohio St. (3)	12-0	1427	NR
3	Oregon	12-1	1397	2
4	Stanford	12-2	1262	6
5	Georgia	12-2	1250	4
6	Texas A&M (1)	11-2	1215	5
7	South Carolina	11-2	1136	7
8	Clemson	11-2	1047	9
9	Louisville	11-2	1010	13
10	Florida	11-2	930	10
11	Notre Dame	12-1	872	3
12	Florida St.	12-2	844	8
13	LSU	10-3	797	12
14	Oklahoma St.	8-5	726	NR
15	Texas	9-4	622	18
16	Oklahoma	10-3	620	15
17	Michigan	8-5	589	NR
18	Nebraska	10-4	426	23
19	Boise St.	11-2	420	14
20	TCU	7-6	400	NR
21	UCLA	9-5	202	NR
22	Northwestern	10-3	186	16
23	Wisconsin	8-0	172	NR
24	USC	7-6	165	NR
25	Oregon St.	9-4	135	19
Schools Dropped Out
No. 11 Kansas State (11-2), No. 17 Utah State (11-2), No. 20 Vanderbilt (9-4), No. 21 San Jose State (11-2), No. 22 Cincinnati (10-3), No. 24 Northern Illinois (12-2), No. 25 Tulsa (11-3).
Others Receiving Votes
Kansas State (11-2) 113; Miami (Fla.) 101; Michigan State 89; Baylor 80; Virginia Tech 65; Fresno State 62; Arizona State 51; Mississippi 32; Vanderbilt (9-4) 29; Utah State (11-2) 23; Brigham Young 20; North Carolina 19; Northern Illinois (12-2) 19; Tulsa (11-3) 9; Ohio 8; San Jose State (11-2) 8; Arizona 5; Cincinnati (10-3) 3; East Carolina 3; Kent State 3; Mississippi State 3; Washington 3; Central Florida 2; Arkansas 1; Arkansas State 1; Rutgers 1; Tennessee 1; Toledo 1.