Aggie SEC Media Days video, featuring reviews from Mark May

First up, head coach Kevin Sumlin.

Coach Sumlin has great intensity. Love the style. No nonsense about the schedule talk. But then he breaks down into your typical coachspeak. Spotlight's hard to get used to? C'mon, Kevin. Just admit that you can't control Johnny Football and his crazy antics. I look for a big dropoff this year and -- mark it down -- Kevin Sumlin will be looking for work in two years' time.

Overall, I give him 3 medium_MarkMay_reasonably_small.jpgs.

Next...defensive back Toney Hurd, Jr. (?)

Wait, wait, wait. You're gonna head into the SEC Media Days and the only defensive player you bring isn't even a starter? Are you kiddin' me? Not impressed. This is just further proof that a pass-happy offense can't succeed in a defensive-minded league like the SEC. Shark? More like a minnow. Get real.

Not impressed.

1.5 medium_MarkMay_reasonably_small.jpgs.

Next up: the big guy! Jake Matthews.

The kid wants to play with his brother, such integrity. It's men like Jake that bring honor to The Game. I find it hard to believe, however, that such a stand-up guy would want to go all out blocking for a guy like Manziel. Sure, he comments on the "confidence" that Manziel brings to the team, but at what price? Jake, do us all a favor and fall down every other play so your "leader" doesn't get another Heisman.

Very impressed:

2.5 medium_MarkMay_reasonably_small.jpgs.

And the grand finale: Johnny Football himself.

Here we go again. Johnny continues to bring shame to the Texas A&M Aggies, the SEC, College Football, sports, the United States of America and every deity one might worship with his line of excuses. We get it, Johnny. You're 20. Oooooooh, so we're supposed to buy that people don't instantly change when put into the spot light? Sure. Listen, when I was arrested on three separate occasions there was no internet, let alone social media, so that's why it was OK. You, however, need to get your proverbial shit together to appease the Gods of ESPN. Sure, if you do it, we're going to call you "fake," "weak" and "a bad Tebow impersonator;" but you know that's just how the media works.

Unimpressed. Unamused.

5 medium_MarkMay_reasonably_small_photonegative.jpgs

CAST OF CHARACTERS

Mark May: thacktor | Mark May: Dr. Norris Camacho