So you want seats in the new Kyle Field?

On Monday, the 12^th Man Foundation ended months of internet chatter by releasing the seating and pricing options for the Holy Shit It’s Big New Kyle Field. While the consensus seems to be one of restrained satisfaction in discovering prices aren’t higher, there are still plenty of questions as to how this whole process will work. Luckily, we’ve spent the better part of a decade stealing drinks from Big Money Donor tailgates, so we think we have at least some of the answers.

Q: How nice is this thing going to be? - Gary from Pampa, Class of ‘84

A: Really. Damn. Nice. Like, among the nicest stadiums in college football nice. After a history of half-assing just about any athletic project they could get their hands on (hi there Reed Arena), the higher-ups have finally realized the importance of investing in facilities, which is why Blue Bell Park turned out so great, and why the Kyle Field renovation is costing twice as much as Baylor’s entire new stadium. The 12^th Man leadership has spent several years touring some of the best stadiums in college football and with the money being raised, there’s no reason not to expect greatness when it opens fall of 2015.

Q: I get to keep the same seats I have now right? – Mark from Boerne, Class of ‘93

A: The short answer is no. The entire stadium is being reseated, which means you’ll have a chance to stay in the same section, but only if your priority points are high enough. We’ll get to that in a minute.

Q: I get to keep the same seats I have now right? – Lowry from San Antonio, Class of ‘57

A: Yes. Yes, you probably do.

Q: Who do I contact to purchase a suite? – Lyle from Spring, Class of ‘80

A: Fortunately for those raising money, and unfortunately for those late to the party, all the suites are now spoken for. There is a rumor there will be additional suites announced in the South end zone, but Good Bull Hunting has the first option there for corporate headquarters.

Q: So how do I choose my new seats? – Jimmy from Pflugerville, Class of ‘09

A: This is where it gets a bit tricky. As of August 6^th, 2013, those with more than 10,000 12^th Man Priority Points will get to choose their sections, but not specific seats. The points threshold will be slowly lowered until August 29^th, when you, Jimmy, and your 24 points will be allowed to choose a section from the remaining ones open. The actual seats won’t be chosen until Spring of 2015.

Q: Should I blow the family trust on seats now or later? – Britt from Austin, Class of ‘80

A: No need to do it now. In a sly bit of capital-raising, while sections are locked in this August and payments are due starting December 31 of this year – Priority Points will remain open until January 15 of 2015. Meaning if your Barnett Shale checks aren’t scheduled to hit till mid-2014, no worries! Go ahead and put the first payments on the credit card, you’ll be glad you did when scoreboarding your obnoxious neighbors.

Q: How much are they? – Von from DeSoto, Class of ‘11

A: Anywhere from $25 to $15 million, give or take a buck or two. Every seat in the stadium will require a one-time ‘Campaign Gift’, payable over 5 years, plus an ‘Annual Contribution’ every year. Oh, and don’t forget the price of the tickets on top of that.

Q: So that means I get to keep the seats I choose for life right? – Kelli from Westlake, Class of ‘07

A: Well hi there Kelli. Thanks for being a faithful reader. We probably need to discuss this over coffee, but no, that campaign gift and annual donation only gets you a 10 to 15 year right to those seats, depending where you are in the stadium. Then again, you can probably just ask your dad for the money.

Q: In some order, I love God, America, and Aggie Football, served in every war this century, and gave when this school needed me dammit - by giving a $1,400 endowed scholarship that gives me the right to 28 tickets on the 50 yard line forever and I’ll be DAMNED if some whippersnapper from the 12^th Man Foundation tries to take away my RIGHTS as a fan and DO YOU HEAR ME YOUNG MAN and further– Dale from Caldwell, Class of ‘38

A: Ok Dale, I think we get it. There’s something like 700 of these folks out there that gave endowed scholarships over the past 50 years, and their pricing is all over the map. The bottom line is that these individuals are getting the option of: 1. being repaid the price of their scholarship, or 2. a $2,000 yearly per-seat credit to be used either towards the campaign gift, annual donation, or both depending on the price of the seat. Some of these families are understandably pissed, unfortunately there’s not really a great solution either way. Expect a lawsuit or two from people unwilling to compromise, but most of these folks will either pony up, or grudgingly move a section or two over and their new seatmates will never hear the end of it.

Q: I like to drink. A lot. I mean, some of my family thinks I have a problem, but they’re obviously just stupid and don’t know how to party. Where do my pledge brothers get together to pound drinks during the game? – Prescott from Inside the Loop, Class of ‘99

A: Well, um, Prescott, there will be two ‘Clubs’. The current Zone Club seats in the North end zone, and a new West Side Legacy Club, of which the entire 2^nd deck on the west side will have access. Make friends with someone in the Founders Club if you like good scotch, otherwise you can find me in the 600 level of the south bench seats with a flask full of Rich & Rare.

Q: Is it really worth it? – Just about everybody, looking down at their wallet

A: It’s Aggie football. It’s the SEC. It’s the greatest crowd, in what will be quite possibly the greatest college football stadium on the planet. So the answer is yes, second mortgages are temporary, football weekends in the fall are forever.