Friends, we may have found ourselves the worst article to date on Johnny Manziel, and make no mistake, there have been reams of horseshit passed off as journalism or HOT SPROTS TAKES over the past six months. Today, Matt Murschel of the Orlando Sentinel takes us to Heisman Narnia where honor, sticktoitevness, perseverance, and Turkish Delight once reigned supreme. No more. This fabled land is now sullied by the Instragram profile of one Johnny Football. Allow Murschel to take you to a time when Joe DiMaggios won Heisman Trophies.
The Heisman Trophy honors some of the best young men that college football has to offer.
Where have you gone Billy Sims, Reggie Bush (STRIPPED!), Cameron Newton, and Orenthal James Simpson?
Men whose actions on and off the field exemplified integrity, diligence, hard work, and perseverance.
Matt, you can come out and just say it - you work in Orlando and you and your readers grimace at anyone shy of the Tebow Standard. This is why the Heisman is idiotic in so many ways. It's voted upon by journalistic hacks trying to become Mitch Albom (king hack) so they can perch themselves up on totally objective things like diligence and integrity. Said hacks diligently take to the same social media they bemoan to Humble Brag about their Heisman vote privilege.
Men whose painted portraits have hung in the hallowed halls for close to a century and represent what is supposed to be right about college football. Johnny Manziel's portrait hangs there as well, but lately it appears more like it was taken with Instragram.
OH HO HO HO. I bet he used the Hipstamatic App too! Speaking of those portraits and "what is supposed to be right about college football", does something jump out to you about the first 25 winners of of the trophy? Anything in common amongst them?
They're all white. So save this hallowed bullshit about the morality of a football trophy and what is "right".
Because of that Heisman Trophy, Johnny Manziel has a problem. Actually, it's his alter-ego - Johnny Football - that appears to have the issue.
Like a modern day Jekyll and Hyde, the Texas A&M quarterback has found himself justifying the off-the-field actions created by his on-the-field persona. A persona living a rock-star lifestyle in the body of a 20-year-old college student.
That first sentence is incoherent. Also, when has he justified anything? He seems pretty comfortable and unapologetic with his life - as he should be. He's not the first 20 year old to be wildly famous and have "rock-star" status. Murschel is trying to create a scolding argument by utilizing "college student" like Manziel should just be locked up in a library living off of Faulkner and Ramen noodles. There was likely a paragraph on money just after this that got edited out.
After the offseason that Manziel has had, the Heisman Trust should rethink giving the award to a first-year player again.
I like to fancy the Heisman Trust sitting in a dark room in robes.
1. What is an Instagram?
2. Thuggery - not in this Trust house.
3. Johnny Manziel seen with LeBron James (noted thug). Mark Emmert to dial in on speakerphone.
4. Tim Tebow offers benediction and cleanses Trust members' feet.
5. Lunch at Bethpage.
The pictures tell the story. There's the ones of him a club with friends, or courtside at an NBA game, or dressed up as Scooby-Doo next to scantily clad coeds, or the ones where he is enjoying spring break on the sandy beaches of Cabo.
Just despicable behavior. Good seats at a PRO basketball game? Why I never. He should have been in his dormitory incessantly texting a girlfriend that was a boy that he never met.
Each documents the life of an average college student, but in Manziel's case, he is not your average college student. He's the reigning Heisman Trophy winner, which means everything he does - good or bad - is magnified 10-fold.
I have no issue with this. Johnny makes me laugh and roll my eyes from time to time, but he's an adult breaking no laws. Still, lets get back to knocking down this ME FIRSTER a peg or two.
It's not entirely Manziel's fault.
Good Bull Hunting Good Will Hunting Reference?
His coach, Kevin Sumlin, kept him under a media blackout, which prevented the Texas native from being properly aware of the limelight that was soon to engulf him. Instead, the public was spoon-fed the legend that was Johnny Football.
Kevin Sumlin is all balls. I'm glad you middle-market journo lackeys were spoon-fed info based on the coach's terms. Get crafty like Pete Thamel and just spin the narrative yourself, lazy ass. Or, you know, report on the legendary stuff happening on the field.
It wasn't until the weeks leading up to the Heisman ceremony that Sumlin relented, giving his star player the opportunity to speak for himself. By then, the train already left the station (Ed. note: COLLEGE STATION WHOOP!) and Manziel won the award based mostly on the gaudy stats that he had put up during his first season in the SEC.
Gaudy. Tawdry. Brazen. Catchpenny. Frou-frou. Garish.
Stats should only have class and integrity.
Hold the phone. Who did Matt Murschel say should win the Heisman back in December? O hai.
Former Notre Dame great Tim Brown - who won the Heisman Trophy in 1987 - once told me that winning the award changed everything for him. "I realized that my name had changed. I wasn't Tim Brown anymore. I was Heisman Trophy winner Tim Brown because that's how I was introduced to everybody."
I have to think this nugget was weaved in only because Matt Murschel used to work for the South Bend Tribune. Otherwise, that is just another pointless athlete quote.
It's a lesson that won't be taught in any online class at Texas A&M and there's no Cliff Notes version you can pick up at the school bookstore. It's something Manziel is learning the hard way this offseason.
Ah yes. Had to know the online classes would be mentioned. I bet A&M's own Dr. Rick Rigsby could teach a good course on Heisman Media Savvy.
Orlando is the Cliff Notes for all of our society's problems.
It's not just about age.
Former Alabama great Mark Ingram won the Heisman Trophy at 19 - as a sophomore - yet he somehow wasn't featured on TMZ or didn't find himself in a verbal war with trolls on Twitter. Perhaps it was the extra year under Nick Saban. There is no brighter spotlight than the one focused on Alabama and all that extra attention was great training for the pressures that would come with winning the award.
I'd argue that the spotlight and pressures on Manziel were going to be greater in Aggieland because the insane, rabid fan base has been subjected to criminal underachieving for so long.
It appears Manziel wasn't quite ready to handle those pressures.
We already went through this bullshit hand-wringing in December. The media kept worrying if all the courtside seating and Heisman trophying was going to overwhelm Manziel as the team prepared for OU.
Stat line versus Oklahoma:
22 for 34 passing for 287 yards and 2 TDs
17 carries for 229 yards rushing and 2 TDs
"LACKS DISCIPLINE OF LANDRY JONES"
Hopefully in the future, Heisman voters will carefully consider the media savvy and maturity of a candidate along with their on the field achievements.
People who carefully consider media savvy should be pageant judges or Luke Russert.
This is where the article ends. No suggestion of who should have won the 2012 Heisman instead. Should it have been the guy who was dumb enough to fall in love with a fake person? Savvy media chops there. Perhaps Manziel should have followed the loss to LSU the way Tebow followed his loss to Ole Miss with a weeping, canned Disney speech to the fans.
Murschel is using cheap, vapid arguments to get what he really wants - page views. The author is a Ball State graduate and seems to follow the recipe of another Ball Stater:
Congrats, Murschel. A&M fans are lunatics (often deluded) and none of them knew who you were until today. You're the most-read author today on your paper's website. I look forward to your 2013 Integrity Heisman Power Rankings.