Welcome to this week's dose of insanity. Today we're going to cover the Tehran Mutant Rat Infestation, Zimbabwe Sex Lion, and the Beer Goggle Myth (all of these are great band names).
In Iran's capital, they have a growing rat problem. That's true in many ways since the rats are growing both in numbers and in size due to genetic mutation. No, they're not quite up to Master Splinter's size and mental capacity yet, but they're getting there:
"The International Business Times quoted Tehran city council environment adviser Ismail Kahram, who told Iranian news website Qudsonline.ir that the rats "seem to have had a genetic mutation, probably as a result of radiations and the chemical used on them."
"They are now bigger and look different. These are changes that normally take millions of years of evolution. They have jumped from 60 grams to five kilos, and cats are now smaller than them," Kahram said, according to the outlet.
How do you handle a problem like this? Well, you pull your best snipers out of the military and have them shoot rats.
Regardless of size, Tehran is reportedly ramping up its response to the rodents. Apparently a team of army snipers is now hunting the rats by night, using rifles equipped with infrared scopes. IBT reported that 2,205 rats have been killed so far.
I remember this working for a young Jedi in training, could it work for Iran? Did the good ol' USA airlift thousands of genetically engineered rats into Iran in hopes that it would preoccupy their military for the time being? Well clearly you can't give me an answer, so it must be true. If so, are we looking at a new Iranian sniper corps that is able to drop our house pets at 300 yards or destroy the Death Star? WE WILL NEVER KNOW UNTIL IT IS TOO LATE! KEEP MITTENS INDOORS!
This is why we don't mess around in the Zimbabwean brush, honey.
I'll set the mood for you. A young couple, so filled with passion for each other that they decided to make the sexy time outdoors immediately regretted that decision with this happened:
A woman was mauled to death by a lion as she made love to her boyfriend in the Zimbabwe bush...
Kudos on the double entendre, Emily.
Ms Mawera's boyfriend, who has not been identified, is believed to have jumped up and fled in the nude when the lion lunged forward.
Yeah, of course he did. He didn't grab her and pull her to safety, he just up and ran. From a lion. Naked. It's true, you only have to be faster than the other people the lion is chasing. Poor woman, that's just an awful way to go. I'm not lion.
OMFG NO MORE BEER GOGGLES EXCUSES
"There is no imagined physical transformation, just more desire," Allison said, according to MSNnow.com. "Alcohol switches off the rational and decision-making areas of the brain while leaving the areas to do with sexual desire relatively intact."
OK, so the myth that people get more attractive to you when you're drinking is dispelled, but it's the same result. When you drink, you're more likely to go outside your range of "acceptable" in terms of your partner's attractiveness. Here's the most interesting line of the story IMHO:
Although Ellison's suds study suggests booze won't make people look more attractive to you, other studies suggest it can make you more attractive to yourself.
Drinking alone never seemed more appealing. I mean, no. Wait. Crap.
I love a good mashup. I can't help enjoying the work of an artist like Girl Talk or The White Panda who can mash songs that shouldn't belong together into a beautiful music casserole. When a mashup is done correctly, you're able to appreciate different parts of a song that you may not have noticed before, pull out a different meaning to a lyric or just get a solid giggle fit from the absurdity of the song combination. Here are a few that were submitted to me by Chuck and Scott.
Feel free to share your thoughts in the comments. Looking forward to a good Wednesday discussion with the Commentarium.