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We All Bleed Maroon
UNINFORMED SMACK / BY THACKTOR
First and foremost I would like to express my condolences to Mississippi State Quarterback Dak Prescott on his mother's recent passing. I know that his teammates and friends will be carrying him this week, and that's a wonderful thing. The thoughts and prayers from Texas A&M fans are with you this week, Dak.
[Terrible transition sentence goes here.]
I want to talk about Mississippi State this week, I really do. But there is one thing on my mind. This is senior day at A&M, meaning this is the last game that this group will play on Kyle Field. I'm anticipating a longer senior post this week so I'm going to focus on a gentleman who's brought us all much joy over the past two football seasons. Mr. Football will likely be playing his last game at Kyle Field this Saturday.
Make no mistake, Kevin Sumlin is a fantastic coach who has recruited and coached these first two seasons of SEC play like none other. That being said, the last year and 3 months wouldn't have been nearly what it was without Johnny Football. You may not like his attitude. You may think he needs to chill out. Your skin may crawl every time you see him pose for a picture with a famous person. That's all just fine and dandy, but you know that way down in the maroon depths of your soul that you love some Jonathan Manziel.
I hope that when Johnny takes his last snap on Kyle for the season this Saturday that the "One More Year" chant is deafening. I'd love it if it shook all of the scaffolding off of Kyle. Hell, it'd be great if it convinced Mr. Evans to stick around, too. After all of the drama, excitement and PJFFNISD it's finally coming to a close at Kyle. There are 4 more games to watch the reigning Heisman winner play in an Aggie uniform. Soak it up, Ags. Let's give Johnny, Mike and the seniors the proper send off they deserve. Get loud and stick around. It'll be a hell of a show.
ABSURD GAME PREDICTION
Johnny runs out of the tunnel onto Kyle Field for his home field swan song. That's when it happens. Johnny exclaims "AGGIE VOLTRON ASSEMBLE!" and jumps into the air. He hovers above the third deck as Mike Evans, Jake Matthews, Ben Malena, Nate Askew and Steven Jenkins all join him. Lightning surrounds them as they turn into the 100' tall Aggie Robot version of Cleatus, but with way less quirky dance moves. Tony Hurd, Jr. finishes the job by becoming a giant maroon shark fin on the robot's back.
Needless to say, MSU flees like the citizens of Tokyo from Mothra. That's when Aggie Voltron treats the crowd to something they could have never imagined: Aggie vs. Godzilla.
Kevin Sumlin wakes from his dream. Frightened, he rips off his sleeping mask and takes a long sigh of relief, knowing that it was all a dream. There's no way they would form Aggie Voltron without the visor.
Ags 65 MSU 21
CAST OF CHARACTERS
BY DR. NORRIS CAMACHO
Ben Malena
RB: Complain all you want about who gets which carries blah blah blah but this man has stabilized this backfield since before the current coaching staff got here. Go Damn Benji.
Toney Hurd
DB: Shark. Sharkin'. This guy never asks questions; he just jumps out there when needed. Did you wonder why there was a senior captain out there on special teams? You shouldn't have. It's Toney.
Jake Matthews
OT: before he settles into a comfortable 15-year pro career, let's remember how awesome #75 has been for us. He's switched coaches, fellow starters, and even shifted down along the line due to injuries. And he's the deep snapper. #TeamJake
Nickoe Whitley
DB: Mississippi State has had a slew of talented defensive backs over the past few years, and Whitley is the latest. He'll be hoping to keep Mike Evans on a short leash. Plus you can't tell me that hearing Verne say "Nickoe Whitley" doesn't churn your juices, ladies.
Gabe Jackson
OL: This future first-rounder is the anchor of the offensive line and will be a key contributor if the 'Dogs hope to pound it out on the ground Saturday.
Tyler Russell
QB: The senior's had a rough go of it lately, and there's speculation that he may have been in the coaches' doghouse of late. Canine pun.
WHAT TO WATCH FOR
BY HYPNO-TOAD
Edifices Past
While it may be difficult to tear your eyes away from the excitement that is #SNOWBOWL13, take a moment to drink in every last detail of Kyle Field as this is the last time you will see her in her current iteration. So go walk the infinite ramps, piss in a trough, and dine on a taco con papas y huevos with your favorite bat. You will soon call yourself old army because you remember a day when Kyle Field looked less like a theme park and more like a cold war era Siberian prison. Gaze upon her cold, hard majesty comrade. Do it, or be branded a capitalist traitor.
The Chant
This is not to suggest that we would bust out the “S – E – C !” against CLANGA. No, expect sometime late in the game to hear the crowd enthusiastically plead for “ONE MORE YEAR!” I will join this chorus as loud as any despite watching the game alone in a dark apartment. Eventually we will all probably reach the final stage of BAS grief – acceptance – and acknowledge that this will be Johnny’s final performance on Kyle Field. Just sit back and enjoy the opportunity to watch a true virtuoso play the instrument he was born to play, all the while safe in the knowledge that you will someday tell bored children everywhere that you were there when Johnny Football took the field. Hopefully the FTAB will play an appropriate tribute.
Seniors
Hard to believe that just three/four/five years ago these guys where just naïve freshmen who were excited about the pool on the roof. Now look where they are. This particular group of seniors really bridged the gap between the Sherman and Sumlin eras of Aggie Football, and they deserve every bit of success they have experienced by sticking with the program. I won’t dwell on this, but I love these guys.
ELSEWHERE IN THE SEC
BY HYPNO-TOAD
#10 LSU at #1 Alabama
The Mixed feelings abound as the Tigers head to Tuscaloosa to take on Saban’s Football Victory Factory. On the one hand, A&M’s chances at the SEC championship are slim and none, and slim booked his ticket out of College Station on October 19th. While an LSU victory might introduce the one in a million shot at A&M making it to Atlanta, a Tide victory would help A&M jump the Tigers in the BCS rankings. You think that’s what you really want, but first consider the matchups that a potential Fiesta Bowl at-large bid could create. Just sayin’, a trip to Jerry World to be Mack Brown’s last loss ever would taste pretty sweet too.
LET'S HAVE A STATGASM
BY STEWADE
Warm Bodies
BY CUPPYCUP
Coach Sumlin's blood and the weather are getting colder every week, Ags. Stay warm with a Nike Therma-FIT Sweatshirt from Aggieland Outfitters. The black color of this sweatshirt will remind you of the sweet all-black unis the Aggies wore during a 38-13 dismantling of the Bulldogs during last season's #SNOWBOWL12. Don't you want to remember Johnny Manziel running for 129 yards and 2 TDs? What kind of Aggie are you anyway? I also recommend layering 4 or 5 of these sweatshirts on top of each other so that you can look more intimidating when you snatch someone's cowbell on Saturday and chuck it into the sky, taking out every flying spiderweb and bat in its path.
Text GOODBULL to 99000 on 11/6 for a chance to win a Nike Therma-FIT Crew Sweatshirt from AO.
BEST CASE / WORST CASE
BY THACKTOR
BEST CASE
After a fun beat down of MSU, there is an announcement that Manziel/Evans '14 is on. Malena gets another year from the NCAA because they really like seeing him cash out in an Aggie uniform. The Kyle Field renovation completes on its own before the game. I wake up in a new Bugatti.
WORST CASE
Johnny goes bar hopping the night before, sleeps through the first half, wakes up on the lawn of the Tri-Delt house, races to Kyle Field, starts the second half and the Aggies only win by 7.
@whoopy07
The Great #GBHTailgate Outage of 2013. My Grandkids will tell their Grandkids how brave we all were
@katiehime
I'm not superstitious, but I am a little stitious... And last time the #GBHTailgate was late, we lost to Auburn.
@JeremyAnthony
I've lived in Mississippi and it sucks. #GBHTailgate
@_BEAST_MODE_
Why doesn't the Mississippi State football team have a website? They can't string three W's together. #GBHTailgate
@haydenghyde
Can I please be featured in the #GBHTailgate so my dad can finally be proud of me for something?
@HypnoToad03
Guys, I'm not sure that Johnny is coming back for another seasCLANGALANGALANGALANGA LANGALANGALANGALANGALANGALANGA #GBHTailgate
@Stewade
Thanks and Gig 'em, #GBHTailgate
@ChipBrownOB
West Virginia AD Oliver Luck could be named athletic director at Texas by the end of November, sources tell OB.