Wildcard Wednesday

Welcome to the offseason, this is Wildcard Wednesday. I needed something to write during the football offseason. I love basketball, but I just can’t get into the college version until late February. I’ll gladly watch an Aggie game if it’s on TV but I’m definitely not as diehard of a fan as I used to be in that regard.

I digress.

This weekly column will serve as a place for me to play in my weird little sandbox and I hope that as it evolves, you all will help me. See, this thing can’t work without prompts. If you find anything online that seems a bit "Floridian," have a weird thought that you want validated or just want to pitch a hypothetical scenario to get my answer; send it my way and I will do my best to address it here.

So…let’s get on with it:

@SECblog wanted my thoughts on this proposed bill to MANDATE that A&M play Texas in football on a yearly basis. He linked me to this article here, which breaks it down. I’m not going to get into the politics of the matter because I’m not inherently political. I will say that I think our state has problems much larger than our two flagship universities meeting on the gridiron annually.

It seems this bill was issued by a representative (also an Ag) from District 31, which looks like a crudely sketched dong.

Look, if A&M and Texas want to get together, have lunch (in a very public, well-lit area. We’re on to you, Dodds.) and work things out, great. That’d be super. We don’t need our parents getting involved so we can "make this work for the kids." And why the sycophantic language when asked about the proposed bill, Ryan? Seriously? You went with, "The purpose of the bill is to put the eyes of Texas upon our two greatest universities to restore this sacred Texas tradition." For SHAME, Ryan.

I think ColoradoAg did a nice job explaining his thoughts on the matter here.

@Cuppycup: Would you rather sit through an all-nude performance by the FTAB or another Aggie basketball game this season?

Both. Twice. I’m that redass. Like I said, I don’t follow the Aggies that closely in any sport other than Football right now, but I will watch the games on TV and I do get just as worked up watching basketball as I do football. Also, who doesn’t want to see a naked bass turn? Oh, really? Nobody, huh? Well…

ColoradoAg: How many people have had sex in DFW Airport? Not any on-site hotel either. I mean in the actual airport.

I’m going to rework this question into a more manageable one because, well, this is my column and I’ll do whatever the hell I want. Let’s shift the parameters to "In one year, how many people have sex in DFW Airport, excluding hotels, hangars and the office environment?" This limits us to the terminal area and baggage claim.

Now, if I look in Wikipedia, I see that in 2010 there were 56,906,610 passengers that passed through the airport. That’s a lot of people. Now I’m going to run through a list of assumptions. Let’s say that roughly 1/5 travelers are children and are immediately excluded from these calculations. Now we’re sitting at 45,525,288 sexy passengers who are eligible to get down in the most romantic of airport crevices. Eliminating the possibilities of group "activities" makes this easier math, so when I divide the number by 2 I get 22,762,644 pairings of people. Now, most of these people won’t do anything in an airport. I’d probably say that 80% aren’t adventurous enough to attempt a public feat like this. That leaves us with 4,552,528 couples that would even think about getting down between the Cinnabon and Wetzel’s Pretzels. If we assume that 10% succeed, we come to the number of 455,253 if I round up. Enjoy your pretzel dog.

Crazy shit sent to me by Jeff Dabney

I have a friend that constantly provides the best shit he finds on Reddit, and this time he struck gold. I appreciate all kinds of creativity, but some people make most "creatives" seem boring. This lady is one of them.

@D_koty: Is pimpin easy for @CoachSumlin?

Yes. He also thinks Big Daddy Kane is a wuss for bitching about it in such a public manner.

@chada20tweets: Which is this best pony on My Little Pony? Please provide support for your answer. TIA

It seems my TexAgs Rivalries broseph is looking for a little guidance as he tries to decide who to align himself with for his first Brony convention. I guess I could equate this to an American sports fan trying to decide which EPL team to align with when learning the sport of soccer, but I really wouldn’t know where to start. Oh! Hi, Google!

Let’s see, running a quick search of "Best My Little Pony" gives me this and a compromised search history.

@EvanRMathis: why does Hollywood keep trying to make Maggy Gylenhall happen?

Sorry to break it to you, but she’s happened and was pretty successful at all the happening she happened to happen upon. Watch "Secretary" if you want to see a good model for traditional courtship of a lady.

@faithfulag sent me the closer 20 minutes ago. It’s an article by @neetzan at Gawker regarding a pastor who, for lack of a better term, circumcised his dinner check at a local restaurant. Read this and pour out your reactions in the comments.

Thanks for reading! I’m looking forward to next week’s column with more lead time to think. Submit your questions to me @thacktor or in the comments section here and I’ll address the ones that get the best reactions out of me. If you want more of this nonsense, go check out The Safe Zone by subscribing to AroundAggieland on iTunes.