Q&A with Arkansas Expats

How do you feel being an Alabama school now?

Well, it’s still pretty new, but if this means we get to claim a bunch of national titles, legit or otherwise, I could get used to it. You know, that wasn’t even the worst part of the meeting. When a fan asked L if Petrino was more likely to end up at Kentucky or Auburn, he actually said Auburn. Not caring that we play Auburn in two weeks and they haven’t fired their coach. Good Lord.

If you could cover up the Petrino incident to keep him as head coach, how would you have gone about it?

You figure, the accident happened out in the middle of nowhere in the Ozarks, so surely Dorrell could have hidden him until she called a friend. Do you know any 24 year old blondes who ever don’t have a cell phone on them? There’s nobody she could have called? Hell, they could’ve called her fiancée. He apparently bought that her $20k was a signing bonus, so why wouldn’t he buy that a motorcycle ride through the mountains was part of the benefit package as well?

With a high of 85° and moderate to high humidity expected in College Station for Saturday, what do you think Coach Smith's OUTC (Optimal Urine Temperature Quotient) will be if he wants to give the Razorbacks a chance to make it a competitive game?

128.3°

Do you think Tyler Wilson's outburst to the media after the Alabama game hurt his standing with his teammates or his draft status?

Not really, I think it’s more indicative of the lack of leadership among the staff and administration. Someone needs to take responsibility for this team, and no one else has.

How much do you dislike Jack Crowe?

I’m more upset that Arkansas let him back on the field by playing Jacksonville State. It’s a curse. You don’t bring that kind of karma back.

How do you feel about Texas A&M taking your end-of-year rival, LSU, starting in 2013 for the Thanksgiving Weekend game? Who would you like to replace LSU with for that game?

I actually wrote a post on this a couple of months ago. A lot of Arkansas fans are upset, but I don’t think it’s that bad. LSU never really hated Arkansas and Arkansas never really hated LSU. At various times since joining the SEC, Razorback fans have hated lots of folks. We’ve directed hatred toward Tennessee, Ole Miss, Auburn, and even Texas the handful of times we’ve been able to play them. If LSU after Thanksgiving goes away we’ll replace them with Missouri. There has been mutual animosity between Arkansas and Missouri for a long time. Most recently as a result of the Razorbacks hiring Mike Anderson, and some big recruiting battles like the one for Dorial Green-Beckham last year. And we find Missouri fans loathsome in general, so it will be fun to get something closer to an actual rivalry game going. I do think A&M would be better off by renewing the Texas series even though I know you’re not playing mostly because the Texas people are being dicks as usual. After what we’ve been through, I think y’all will appreciate keeping that rivalry on the field. There’s still a sizeable portion of Razorback fans (mostly older ones now) that still hate Texas more than any SEC school. And we’ve been out of the SWC for 20 years and don’t live amongst them.

Are you guys maybe looking past us (and Auburn) to Kentucky?

We’re looking past everybody and focusing on the coaching search. It’s all coaching rumors all the time for the next couple of months around here.

Who are the top 5 head coach candidates you'd go after?

You mean 5 head coaches we could actually get? Charlie Strong is a hot name right now and that will only grow with each victory at Louisville. Butch Davis has popped back up now that he’s been cleared at UNC. Davis has almost been Arkansas’ coach a few times but the timing didn’t work out. Both of them are Arkansas natives so they’ll probably always get talked about. James Franklin was a hot name in August but Vandy’s 1-3 start has cooled that a bit, although he could rebound. I think Mark Hudspeth is an interesting name to keep an eye on. Kirby Smart came up a lot after Alabama eviscerated us, but that doesn’t do much for me because Saban’s coaching tree hasn’t worked out too well. But all of that’s only if Pete Carroll turns us down. He spent a year as an assistant at Arkansas back in the day you, so clearly, he’s coming to Arkansas unless NFL refs hand him some more victories. At least that’s what the message boards say. And message boards are truth.

What is your score prediction for Saturday's game?

A&M 56, Arkansas 28

Are you coming to the game? If yes, tailgating plans?

I will be there. I don’t normally bring my own tailgate for morning games, I like to walk around and soak up the atmosphere. Is there a GBH tailgate? I’d love to swing by.

What Arky unit matches up best against the Ags? What match-ups worry you?

Our kicking game is pretty solid. You’ll be lucky to stop that. Everything else worries me.

Do you like having the Arkansas-A&M series at Jerryworld or on campus?

I’m in the minority in Arkansas but I hate having the games at the JerryDome. I’m a big fan of traditional home environments. People here talk about the recruiting advantages Arkansas gets by playing in Dallas but we haven’t seen much of a tangible impact from playing there the last three years in my opinion. Of course, that could be just because Petrino hated recruiting. A big part of the reason I’m going to the game is because it’s Arkansas’ only opportunity to play at Kyle Field, possibly forever.

What is Rick Schaeffer's hair made of?

I’m convinced it’s actually a helmet. That’s some high level Arkansas stuff. I’m impressed y’all know about his hair.

How is Knile holding up? Is he all the way back?

Physically, he’s there. Mentally, he still seems a little tentative.

Is Darius Winston ever going to live up to his rivals ranking?

No. He’s already been replaced as a starter by a walk-on. And people wonder why our defense sucks.

Will Arkansas try and get D. Johnson the ball more? Because we hope not.

L says they will. Of course, L says lots of things. Who knows if anyone’s listening to him or if he’ll remember.

If Clint Stoerner and Matt Jones went out on the town, who would pass out first?

That’s a toughie. Depends on the cause of passing out.

Have you ever been on Maury? Be honest.

No, but actually, I have known people who’ve been on Springer. I once had a crap job around the time I got out of college where I worked with an unfortunately proud girl who was a regular on the Smoky Mountain Wrestling circuit. She and some of her people had been on Springer for various reasons.