Gene Chizik: Working Man

Auburn's head coach Gene Chizik is having a bit a rough year if you haven't noticed. He's currently sitting at 1-7 and 7th in the SEC West after a 63-21 loss to Texas A&M this past Saturday. That's a cool $3,500,000 per win this season so far. Even his Wikipedia page this past week had him on the WAR DAMN HOT SEAT.

He may even set the record for shortest time between winning a national championship and being fired. So if he's no longer leading the Tigers after this season, what post-football careers could The Chiz move into?

Venture Capitalist:

Helping high-risk, high-reward teams get off the ground with large amounts of capital and with young, successful talent.

Meth Distributor:

Spencer Hall of Everyday Should Be Saturday has made numerous references to Chizik as Tuco from Breaking Bad. So why the hell not?

Pastor:

And now a reading from the book of Jonna:

"Therefore, my humble suggestion is to encourage your people to fully submit themselves. It is time that you rise up and take back what Satan, himself, has stolen. We serve a God who recovers all that has been taken from us and requires the efforts of His people to accomplish this truth. Consider the blessings it will have, first for the players who sacrifice daily but also for the followers."

- Jonna 1:7

Author:

Did you know that Chizik wrote a book last year? I sure did, but only because I actually saw it on the clearance rack at Wal-Mart. It appears to have favorable reviews online, but I think it's actually the reason for Auburn's downfall this season. Here's why:

The description of the book is so perfect because it just needs to be tweaked a bit for his poker-referenced follow-up, Fold:

All In Fold chronicles the remarkable journey downfall of Gene Chizik, who in two short years went from being the much-maligned 5–19 coach of the Iowa State Cyclones to the undefeated, AP SEC Coach of the Year of the 2010 national champion Auburn Tigers [to the much maligned coach of the 2012 Auburn Tigers].

Head Coach of Iowa State:

Oh wait, they've already got a coach. And he's currently 5-3 with two conference wins, a win over their in-state rival (a Big Ten team), and will likely be bowl eligible by the end of the season. Better start going ALL IN to that next book, Gene.