Do you know the college football season is pretty much halfway over? Seems like just yesterday we were all giddy over South Carolina visiting Vandy and furious about the sandy vajayjays in Shreveport postponing the A&M vs. LaTech game over a few scattered showers. Oh, and having a positive balance in our offshore accounts. So recent, and yet so... so... long ago. [wipes away tear] The good news is the wheat has largely been separated from the chaff at this point. The pretty darn good times have been identified, as have the really, really bad teams. *cough* *cough* Kentucky *cough*
LAST WEEK
We fell back-asswards into a 4-3 mark. Personal thanks to South Carolina and the Head Ball Coach, who went for the TD instead of the field goal when needing two scores, converted a huge 4th and long, and covered the 2.5 late. GAMBLING EXCITEMENT! CATCH THE DISEASE!
THE PICKS
THE GAME: GEORGIA -26 at KENTUCKY
Officially a road game, but with Big Blue Madness last week, it's also officially basketball season in the bluegrass state. Expect more of a neutral site feel at Commonwealth Stadium on Saturday. And a neutral gear performance from Kentucky, as Georgia will push them around on both sides of the ball, taking out their frustrations from the "performance" (and that's a kind word, isn't it?) against South Carolina two weeks back. Joker Phillips' sad, sad farewell tour continues.
THE PICK: GEORGIA -26
THE GAME: ALABAMA -20 at TENNESSEE
We want to take you at home on the Third Saturday of October (which it actually is this year!), Tennessee. We really do. But Alabama has dudes that casually toss ballcarriers around like ragdolls. And we still have visions of that anemic second half against Florida running through our heads. And if Alabama doesn't win by four TDs, Finebaum will give us gems like PAAAWWWL 35-17 AGAINST DOOLEY JUST TELLS ME SABAN DOESNT HAVE 'EM FOCUSED THIS YEAR PAAAWWWL. Thankfully, Little Nicky will spare us from such insanity. Alternate insanity will take its place.
THE PICK: ALABAMA -20
THE GAME: SOUTH CAROLINA +3.5 at FLORIDA
Raise your hands if you had Florida standing at 6-0 and #2 in the polls at this point way back in August. Put your hands down, liars. Or go get your jorts ready for the game tomorrow. Muschamp's group has overachieved already, no? The Gators are a little overdue to have a turd in their punch bowl, and Steve Spurrier is just the man to deliver said turd. Plus, after the gracious stroll through the back door last week, we owe it to Head Ball Coach to back him and his Cocks (teeheehee) once again. Lattimore plays and gets it done. At least versus the number.
THE PICK: SOUTH CAROLINA +3.5
THE GAME: AUBURN +7 at VANDERBILT
Vandy has reached the soft, tender portion of their schedule, and looks to be favored the rest of the way. A second consecutive bowl bid is in their sites. Auburn, you're on deck. This is basically Auburn's season. Bowl prospects are on life support, and no one on the plains wants to be "the team that lost to Vandy." We're now a sparkling 0-5 when picking Auburn games this year, and that streak isn't gonna stop this week. We're riding the Chiz-train right over the cliff. 'Nuff said.
THE PICK: AUBURN +7
THE GAME: KANSAS STATE +2.5 at WEST VIRGINIA
A night game in Morgantown? Appealing. Win or lose, no couch in the Morgantown metropolitan area is safe (Does M'town qualify as a metropolitan area? We're thinking not, but we're not demographers...) We're willing to overlook the disaster in Lubbock, as Aggies are all too familiar with the strange, unpleasant things that transpire there. And that's just in the sorority houses. But Bill Snyder is an evil wizard and Collin Klein is a road grader that occasionally hurls footballs to open receivers. The Wildcats also have something known as a "defense", which we understood to be illegal in the B12.
THE PICK: KANSAS STATE +2.5
THE GAME: BAYLOR +8.5 at TEXAS
Texas is playing for pride. Texas is playing for its season. Texas is playing a non-existent Baylor defense. When you get worked over by Purple Baylor's backup quarterback like Baylor did last week, we have to assume any reasonable collection of D1 talent is capable of hanging half a hundred on you. Bottom line: Whatever issues Texas has on the defensive side, Baylor's are much, much worse. Mack staves off the hordes calling for his banishment to an endless circuit of fundraising dinners. For now.
THE PICK: TEXAS -8.5
THE GAME: LSU -3.5 at TEXAS A&M
BIG GAME AT KYLE FIELD BIG GAME AT KYLE FIELD BIG GAME AT KYLE FIELD BIG GAME AT KYLE FIELD [breathes into paper bag] We'll be honest, we felt a lot better about this thing before we saw what LSU's running game did to South Carolina last week. A&M's only chance is to hope the early kickoff, crowd, and a gadget play or two propel them to an early lead before the Tigers wake up for their noon feeding. Oh, and JOHNNY FOOTBALL. Gotta mention that guy, right? He's going to be running for his life, I fear. In the end, LSU's depth and dominance in the trenches wins the day. [sobs uncontrollably]
THE PICK: LSU -3.5
You know the drill. Doing anything with these selections other than tossing them right in the circular file is a horrible idea and should not be entertained.
LAST WEEK: 4-3
YEAR TO DATE: 15-20