Q&A with LSU blog - And the Valley Shook

Do you prefer mudbugs or corndogs? Aren't corndogs the "real" tiger bait? Creole Sauce or Tony Chachere's?

ONE. Mudbugs. The corndog thing is just odd. It’s how Oklahoma fans heckled Nebraska fans (Cornhuskers = corndogs) and somehow Auburn fans caught wind of it and applied it to us. It doesn’t really bother me, it’s like being heckled by Dadaists. It would be as if we started calling you "Umbrellas" tomorrow. You’d find it odd and maybe funny at first, but after awhile it just gets annoying. It’s not upsetting or anything, I’d never get upset by it anymore than you’d be upset by being called an Umbrella. It’s just really weird. And it demonstrates Auburn fans are stupid.

TWO. No. That would be gazelles. But corndogs are tasty.

THREE. Chachere’s, no question. You can put that stuff on anything. I put it on popcorn. We don’t even have salt in my house. The stuff is like crack.

What is your best memory from our past rivalry / series?

I think it was 1994, but with about two and a half minutes to play, LSU was down 18-13. The LSU offense was near midfield and had two timeouts left. Then, faced with a 4th and about 5, if memory serves, LSU called for the most gutless punt in the football history. A&M ran out the clock of course, and that’s when I knew precisely how stupid Curley Hallman was.

Remember when we used to play OOC? What happened to that? Please, elaborate.

Joe Dean was a sissy. The two schools had a 10-year contract with an option to play another two games at the end. After the 10 year portion of the contract ran its course, Dean decided to not renew the contract because of two things: LSU had added more conference games to its schedule due to expansion and A&M had a five-game winning streak. LSU then shamefully backed out of our best out of conference series, and our biggest non-SEC rival over the course of our program’s history.

LSU has since fired Joe Dean and there’s barely anyone left at LSU who was even remotely involved in the decision. Of course, since cancelling the series, LSU got good. Real good. And every attempt the new administration has made to renew the series has been met by BS objections from the Aggies, who didn’t want to add a resurgent LSU team to their schedule. LSU cancelled the series, A&M kept it cancelled. Both decisions were cowardly and shameful, and shouldn’t be excused by either fanbase. Luckily, pretty much everyone involved has been fired and/or buried in an unmarked grave.

Will LSU ever have to pay back the money they owe us? Do you contest that money is stilled owed for prematurely ending the series when LSU was SOOOOOO bad?

A&M cashed the $100,000 check. A court of law said LSU doesn’t owe you any more money. So stop being a bunch of whiners and get the hell over it. Or get better lawyers. Maybe you could purchase a law school or something. It was over a decade and a half ago, and y’all using that as an excuse not to play us was just as lame as LSU backing out on the series. We should unite as fanbases and tar and feather every person in our respective AD’s who prevented us from playing. We should play every year. No excuses.

I don’t make lame ass excuses for our athletic administration. Stop doing it for yours. You got your money. Now let’s play.

Is Zach Mettenberger aware of pocket awareness?

He is aware that it exists as a concept, sort of like faster than light travel or achieving absolute zero.

What is a Cajun hangover cure?

Bourbon and Zapp’s potato chips.

How do you think A&M's move to the SEC is going to affect LSU's recruiting in Texas and A&M's recruiting in Louisiana?

Honestly, not much. LSU already does real well in Texas, particularly Houston. We don’t need the help to make inroads. A&M won’t make inroads into Louisiana just by being in our conference, y’all will make inroads when you start winning.

I do, however, think that being in the SEC will help A&M’s Texas recruiting. For my entire life, A&M has essentially sold what Texas was selling, only the slightly off-brand version. Come play for a large state school in front of tons of fans with more money than God behind the program. Now, A&M can slightly alter their pitch to add, "and play in the best conference in the country against the very best players in the country." You want to be the best? Play the best. Come to A&M. Want to spend four years measuring yourself against a bunch of schools with no national titles since World War II between them, waiting for your once a year shot at Oklahoma, then go to Texas.

How the hell do you make a roux?

Ask a Cajun to do it.

Is there a rubric for interpreting Les Miles' press conferences?

I used to translate them into normal English, but Miles moved beyond parody a few years ago. It is best to just sit back and marvel at the wonders he creates with the English language. A Les Miles press conference means whatever you want it mean, and it does not truly become art until it encounters your perception. It is the audience’s subjective interpretations of his work that truly brings it to the highest levels of art.

What happened to Russell Sheppard?

He never learned how to catch. He’s probably hanging out with his fellow five-star recruit, Craig Loston.

Did you know Mike Archer is still coaching?

Yes! I’m a big fan of Archer as a defensive co-ordinator and feel sort of bad he never got a second chance to be a head coach. He was just promoted too fast, which ruined his reputation. Had he never been the LSU head coach, he might have gotten a head coaching gig in the late 90s. Rick Neuheisel got a third gig, for godsakes.

If Gerry Dinardo and Dennis Franchione had a fight to the death, who would win? (besides society)

I like Dinardo. He’s the guy who built the foundation which allowed the LSU Golden Era of Football to occur, and we should more appreciative of the guy. Sure, he got torpedoed by Lou Tepper’s drop linebacker and a wide receiver/team captain who got run down by a bunch of non-athletes in the quad after a purse snatching. SEC speed, indeed. But he did bring the magic back, so I think he could punch Fran’s face in repeatedly, just for old time’s sake. Geaux Gerry!

Which matchup favors LSU the most and which one worries you?

These teams match up real well, so we’ll spend most of the game going strength on strength (or weakness on weakness). LSU can’t pass, but A&M can’t defend the pass! LSU’s got a great defensive line, but A&M’s got a great offensive line! I feel most confident in our running back stable because, well, they are really good. I feel least confident in our ability to stop Johnny Manziel because, well, he’s really good and our secondary is largely untested.

I'll ask the question everyone wants to know. What type of blackmail was Jordan Jefferson engaged in that kept him as the starter last year and/or did Jarrett Lee sleep with Miles' secretary? I mean, how do you explain the MNC cluster?

Jarrett Lee played four games against Alabama in his LSU career, going into the BCSCG. His combined line: 24 for 58, 316 yards, 1 TD, and 7 interceptions (3 returned for touchdowns). In the game in 2011, he went 3 for 7 for 24 yards with 2 picks, throwing one more completion to Alabama than to his own receivers. Look at those numbers, internalize them, and then appreciate how Lee was able to become a folk hero by not playing against a team that he hadn’t thrown a touchdown against since George W. Bush was still in office.

What can we expect from the visiting LSU fans at tailgates and inside the stadium?

I’m not sure we’ll even be conscious. 11 fucking AM? Who needs to get stabbed over this?

What is your score prediction?

LSU 18, Texas A&M 14. LSU scores three field goals and safety because, yeah. That’s how we roll.