Johnny Manziel: The Movie Trailer Script

Kirby Lee-USA TODAY Sports

Now that #2 has officially declared for the draft, we wanted to be among the first to try to profit from him. Get in line, movie producers.

Howdy, folks. Now that the news is official, we can release our secret screenplay that we've been crafting now for months days hours. It includes a star-studded cast and some very dramatic moments. We hope you thoroughly enjoy this sneak peek.

JOHNNY THE MOVIE
SCREENPLAY BY: DR. NORRIS CAMACHO
PRODUCER: ????
FINANCED BY: DARREN ROVELL (hopefully)

CAST:

Johnny Manziel...............................Christian Slater
HS Coach.....................Scott Caan (with grey toupee) Coach Mike Sherman........................Ed O'Neill Coach Kevin Sumlin.........................Laurence Fishburne Coach Kliff Kingsbury.......................Ryan Gosling Coach Jake Spavital.........................Jason Segel Benevolent Adviser Darren Rovell........Christian Bale Cameo..........................................Lou Holtz

[Opening credits: scenes from Texas high school football narrated by James Van Der Beek. Pretty much as close as you can get to ripping off "Varsity Blues" without infringing on copyrights]
Johnny Manziel [out of breath]: Coach, I don't know if I can do it again.
HS Coach: Get your ass out there and perform boy! The Art Teacher's office ain't open all night [checks watch]
Johnny: Okay. [goes out and completes 46-yard bomb to self amid tiny teammates, wins State Championship. Raucous yells. Music.]
***
[Johnny is in Coach Sherman's office months later]
Coach Mike Sherman: Now, I know we talked about you at quarterback here, but what do you think about playing wide receiver?
[Johnny is looking at his iPhone. Closeup of screen. There are no new texts from Chip Kelly.]
Johnny: Huh? I don't know. Whatever coach.
[Montage of excruciating Texas loss, Sherman is fired.]
***
[Johnny is in Coach Sumlin's office, August of 2012.]
Sumlin: What the fuck was that?
Johnny: What do you--
Sumlin: Fake IDs? Fighting? Shit, boy. 
Johnny: Coach, I--
[Coach Kingsbury enters]
Coach Kingsbury: Coach Sum, I got this. [Sumlin exhales through nostrils, glares once more, waves them both away with hand.]
[Kingsbury puts arm around Manziel, walks him down hallway, talking earnestly.]
***
[Locker room, before Florida game 2012]
Coach Sumlin: You're starting.
Johnny: You won't regret this.
***
[Exorbitant montage of 2012 season, ending with the hoisting of the Heisman trophy.]
[Begin montage of the off-season madness.]
[Late July. Johnny is up late and concerned. He is Skyping with his Benevolent Adviser Darren Rovell.]
Johnny (Skyping): What should I do?
Benevolent Adviser Darren Rovell (Skyping): Just be yourself, man. That's all anyone could ask.
[Montage of AutographGate. Lead into Montage of 2013 season highlights up to first half of Chick-fil-A Bowl.]
***
[Halftime of Chick-fil-A Bowl: Coach Spavital retains Johnny in the tunnel before going back on the field.]
Coach Spavital: You're the coach now. (hands Johnny the football)
Johnny: I won't let you down.
[Montage of second half, ending with Johnny hoisting the MVP trophy.]
***
[End credits as Lou Holtz says he wants to party with Johnny and then gif of Johnny fistbumping Tim Tebow plays on repeat.]
***


FIN

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